Shakira - She Wolf album review 4/5 stars

01. She Wolf 03:10
02. Did It Again 03:13
03. Long Time 02:56
04. Why Wait 03:43
05. Good Stuff 03:17
07. Men In This Town 03:35
07. Gypsy 03:18
08. Spy (feat. Wyclef Jean) 03:27
09. Mon Amour 04:06
10. Lo Hecho Está Hecho 03:13
11. Años Luz 03:42
12. Loba 03:09

The album starts with the late 70's brovado of the title track "She Wolf". The first thing I thought was afros and shorts that recall Chrissy in Three's Company. The beat produced by The Neptunes is very bouncy and catchy. What I loved is that her english has dramatically improved since her last English language debut. If you remember she took time off to do several spanish language albums and singles.

The second track is my favorite "Did It Again", it combines Shakira's rock style with The Neptunes cartoony beats and the hook will indeed put a smile on your face. I couldn't hear any of our popular artists singing this track with the exception of Lady Gaga. This track though a very basic pop track has alot of character and personality. The third track I have to say when I first heard it the first few times, I was slightly annoyed by what I call the pop version of reggae or as I call "pseudo-reggae" but I'll let it slide because Shakira as part Carribean influences in her native Colombia. This is track for the girls with hips.

"Why Wait" is a bit darker for The Neptunes style of producing, this track pays tribute to Shakira's Middle Eastern background. This actually should be the next single but I'm just predicting. This is definetely a song that even the hardcore boys shouldn't be ashamed to rock in their jeeps. This is the song Pussycat Dolls should be mad that didn't make their album.

So far, so good Neptunes!

The next track "Good Stuff" sounds a bit like "Hip's Don't Lie" version 2.0, you guessed it this was one of the tracks produced by Wyclef...ohhhh Wyclef originality much? It's still a good track, just a bit too familiar to one of her more recognizable English language hits.

Another one of my favourite tracks on this album "Men In This Town" mainly because of its lyrics. It's the albums most contemporary track in terms of sound. If you are over the faux 80's/90's pop sound. Then you can skip this track. "Gypsy" goes into a more country style of music which will take your ears by surprise after all this pop and disco. It's very interesting and unexpected because of it's major layerings throughout the track.

"Spy" another track that features Wyclef but is produced by The Neptunes sounds like it sampled "I Wonder Why He's The Greatest". I find that this album borrows heavily from the late 70s era which oddly suits Shakira. Wyclef shows off a much softer vocal performance alongside Shakira.

"Mon Amour" is the stand alone rock track and it does not dissapoint. It's the first time I truly got to hear Shakira in her rock element since her first few spanish language albums and when she is is on, she is on fire.

In conclusion, this is a brave endeavour for Shakira to tackle pure pop like she's never tackled it and it took alot of nerve for her to do venture here. I hope she collaborates with Pharrell Williams & Chad Hugo further as her career continues maybe not so much with Wyclef. It's like Mariah and Janet with Jermaine Dupri, it's a dead horse thats been beat a bit too much. With this album she shows us why in Latin America, she is considered La Beyonce without being an imitation, she is THAT BITCH. What do you expect from a chick name Shakira (pronounced in spanish Shak - aye -rra) if you didn't know but for us American folks it's just Shakira.

Damn I Wanna Be Your Lover

http://evilshare.com/coqraqi321ja/04_Damn_I_Wanna_Be_Your_Lover.mp3.html

I listen to this anytime I need to get in touch with my romantic side when I feel I have lost it. The lyrics and fuckin powerful. The song features Terry Ellis and Dawn Robinson on co-leads and Cindy and Max on background vocals which is rare to have just have two of them on background vocals but it worked real well and the writing is awesome. I needed to hear this a few times while writing Part II of my scandolous blog entry.

The Bed I Made...(Part I of III):

My name is Marlon Fisher and this is my story. I'm 27 from Miami, FL but now live in the Brooklyn Heights section of Brooklyn, NY. I live in a very clean, Cosby Show type setting. I like my neighborhood and I better for the amount of rent that I pay. I work really hard at what I do and maybe you've seen me on TV. That's right CNN, I'm that guy that you think he is but not quite sure. I will never tell and Marlon is not my name. My friends call me "Fish" not because I'm the gayest but because I can drink any man into the ground no questions asked. As long as my work gets done right? My best friend is Darius Caprice a very 5'10 beautiful full lips, lashes like a giraffe, eyes like a baby doll, very lean and very glossy dancer here in New York who loves a good time and a lot of trouble. I'm not going to count the many times I've had to bail his ass out. We are both lightning rods of fun with a high amount of voltage.

(4AM outside of Langstons in Brooklyn, NY)

Langstons is a hole in the wall yet somewhat spacious reggae club that Maurice likes to drag Darius and I to every Saturday, I had a good time and drinks are actually pretty reasonable. "Bkken" is really making a killing on the gays in this city. I'm waiting outside of the club to my left was Darius talking to some of his kiki girlfriends and all I can hear coming from inside Langstons is a popular reggae song "Bend Ova, Bend Ova" and then I hear "Aye Brown Skin you been avoiding me..." I thought to myself dammit Robert Stinger is the only person that calls me freakin Brown Skin. Robert is your class A successful balla, him and I know each other because he works in media as well. You may know him too, you've seen him on TV as a sports announcer for ESPN. I won't go into how we know each other but anything that involves him is good trouble and bad trouble. His 6'3 light skin gorgeous brown eyes with just neatly curly yet soft hair, a wide teeth smile and plainly muscular build makes him and ideal fuckbuddy of sorts, I should know I had it and it was good. It...was good.

"What do you want Robert?" I pierced over at him giving me the what I do face. Nice try Robert. "A brotha can't say hello without being up to something?" he gestured the you're breaking my heart motions. "When your name is Robert from Atlanta by way of Jamaica that mean you're always up to something". Darius came over and rushed into Roberts arms and started molesting his back with his hands. My worst nightmare came true. Robert was going to fuck one of my best friends and I can look like the cock-blocking friend or I can let them have their fun. I guess it wouldn't be too bad if I joined them, maybe they won't do anything. I am holding out that small bit of hope that Darius will be too drunk to do anything with Robbie. "So what you doing after this?" Robert asked with you wanna party with us look in his face when he always want to have a good time. "Nothing and Everything" I said. "So what you mean by this that, Marlon come on, it's me" "Nothing alone and everything that I am" I said with that you will not out-do me look. "Whats your plans Robbie" "Well I was thinking I can take you and baby boy right here back to my place for drinks" "Uh huh" I looked at Darius and he was clearly inebriated he didn't know what was going on except he knew he was horny and ready to go. "Well Robbie, wheres your car because this party isn't open all night" Luckily his car was parked right in front of the club. Darius and I sat in the backseat of his black tinted windows SUV and Darius in good ole Darius fashion laid on my lap. There was a passenger in the front seat rolling a blunt with dark shades on, neatly twisted locs that he looked like he had been growing for about a few years, beautiful brown skin and the sexiest lips I have ever gotten to seen that looks like he can suck a quarter out of a parking meter now imagine what he can do to a freshly puckered pink hole. Am I giving too much. I'm just getting started. I found my treat for the evening, FUCK Robert.

Robert jumped in the car, put the keys in and we were rolling. We drove up Atlantic Avenue which has to be one of the most depressing large streets in all of Brooklyn. We swiftly approached the White Castle in Clinton Hill as Robert asked did anybody want anything and with the most serious of answers that can ever come out of both Darius and myself "NO!" Gays, you know what White Castle does and if you're trying to have a good time, White Castle won't help you get there. I'm just saying. The tall drink of water in the passenger seat still hadn't said anything so I gave Robbie the look that said 'Is he gonna speak?' through his mirror. "Yo Maurice that's my boy Marlon and laying on his lap is Darius" "What up" Maurice had a very distinct West Indian accent and I looked on his left wrist and he had a Bahamian chain on it. "Sup" I said "Hey" in Darius half wasted slur said.

We made the right turn on Flatbush Avenue extension to head towards the Manhattan Bridge and Darius decided to get the party started early. He unzips my zipper with his teeth and inhaled my half erect chocolate rod in his mouth and began to hoover dam it. I was shocked because it happened in a nanosecond, this caused a slight swirve of the SUV and an immediate "Yo...son" response from Maurice. "Keep your eyes on the road Robbie, I'm not gonna die with my dick in his throat" "Well dont start the party with me" Maurice said looking back "Don't worry boo, I got you" I said looking dead at his dark shades in my best game face "Is that right?" he said with his game face on "I don't like to be challenged, I hope you know that" "And why is that" "Because I'd hate to make such a nice looking man like you cry" I said with a devious smirk. "Ohhhhhh" Maurice and Robert said laughing "Oh you talk alot of shit playa" Maurice said. "Save some for the host of this party" I said to Darius. I will say his head game is always on point alive or half dead. He only did that to show out because he was too drunk to he his normal perky self so doing what he knows how to do best he put on a show. I took my finger out from the sweaty back of Darius fitted jeans to readjust myself when Robbie reached back, grabbed my hand and licked the finger that was kindly molesting Darius sweaty crack right. "Damn" Robbie softly "mmm mmm mmm" "Like that homie?" Maurice looked over to Robbie and said. Robbie replied "Like that" with a nod



Robbie had just bought a new place in Jersey City in the newly rejuvenated Grove Street section. It took us quite a while to get over there by car but it was worth it. The area has definetely been on the come up and is absolutely beautiful to see at that time of night. His condo was like something you see in MTV Cribs. I've worked really hard to get to where I'm at but to give Robert credit he's worked longer, harder and stronger to get to where he's at and to think, I passed all of this up. The minute we get into this million wet dream of real estate, the party got started. Maurice got behind and started kissing me neck and Darius hopped into Roberts arms, with his legs tightly wrapped around his waist. Anyone who knows Darius' thighs and anything in between, knows that he can balance himself with no hands. It took no more than one minute before all four of us were naked. Robbie quickly carried Darius into the bedroom and began attacking that ass. I got to the foot of Robbie's King sized bed and Maurice threw me down face and began to eat me like there was birthday cake back there. I wish I could Darius was putting on a show but I've had a piece of Robbie Stinger and he does feel good from head to balls and from head to toe. This Maurice person however was getting it in back there, what the hell is he trying to do create a splash waterfalls back there? Maurice finally got up to get a his condoms out his back pocket, I went to my jacket to get my red Kodak digital camera. Shawty get it in, Daddy goes hard and I want Daddy to put on a show for shawty.

I come back to the room and Darius and now on his back with his legs to the ceilings and his toes in good ole fashion curl mode and Robbie giving a long stroke. I wasn't looking to record them though it was tempting. I got on my back and show Maurice how easy this was going to be and flexible I can get. I was so wet from getting my booty ate by this Bahamian dread I didn't know what to do except take it like the freak that I am. I hit the record button to film Maurice and I get it in, I have to say this was no easy task. He was easily packing a 9 thick, cut and heavy. This was a challenge I could've passed on but in it to win it. Maurice took my camera so I can lay back and relax and filmed from his angle and the shockwaves through my body began to grab for the first thing I can find. Sheets, lamp cords, pillows, the headboard anything that I can grab to distract me from the amount and force he was hitting me with. I knew what I was getting myself into and this serves me right it's been a long time since I last took dick and the last person to do me was in fact Robbie. I needed to be this to be over and over quick because though Maurice was good and the dick was decent. I really wanted him to get his nutt already, my mind was still on Robbie. Shit, I still want Robbie and he is fucking my best friend only inches away from me. I had my bright idea moment, I don't normally do this for jump offs but I was going to go for it. I stopped Maurice to change positions, this time have laying flat on his back and have me ride him backwards. Sometimes when you get bored you gotta get creative and this change of position made me the dick fun. He was trying to give me a run for my money by trying to fuck me harder but little did he know all he was doing was making it wetter. Now this is a party! I couldn't care less what Robbie and Darius were doing or how Maurice and I looked on camera but I know one thing Maurice found that special spot that every gay man knows and love and he fucks around and I catch this nutt it's a wrap and dammit wouldn't you know he got struck jackpot and I couldn't hide it. Ripple affects went through my body and I began to lose control of my own motions at this point my body was doing whatever it needed to do to release. Maurice got up and embraced me and started biting me on my neck. I think he got his too but did I care? Not really. Good stroke game though. I gently rose up off Maurice and walked to Robbie's private bathroom to go clean up, I can hear Darius and Robbie beginning to slow down which makes me believe that they finished too. There was not a dry spot on my body and I was in a desperate need of a shower. The minute the water rolled down my back, I started feeling sharp stinging pains down my ass I knew this was going to be a long couple of days of recovery but shit I needed this, every man has needs, I got mine, he got his we're both single, we're all single. I dried off using one of Robbie's clean towels in a closet in the bathroom, everything was so nicely color coordinated and neatly folded. I left the bathroom in all my nakedness to find Darius giving Maurice and Robbie head on the bed. All I can think was either Darius booty game was weak or Robbie isn't the strapping young man that I thought he was. I decided I had enough of the part and decided to get my clothing from the living room and at least put on my tee shirt and fresh white Banana Republic boxers and fix myself a drink. Robbie surely wouldn't mind and after all that I was thirsty as hell. I laid down on his plush sofa and I couldn't remember anything after that.

10am came and I was up bright as a light the sun beaming over Jersey City and Manhattan pierced though Robbie's apartment forcing me up followed by the obvious sounds of a shower. I dragged myself off of the sofa and heard my phone beeping which mean I either missed a call or have a text message, I checked and it was a text message from Robbie saying "your boy can take some dick but don't do it like you". I stumbled over to the bedroom and saw Maurice spooned up behind Darius. I went to the massive windows in Robbie's apartment and welcome the view of the early Sunday morning city. The shower finally stopped and Robbie comes out the bathroom and out the bedroom naked and still a little damp from his shower and walks over to me and stands directly behind me with this dick pressed firmly against my butt. I leaned back and whisper in his ear "Been There Done That". He kindly laughed and kissed me on my neck and he whispered in my ear "We got unfinished business shawty". I like a challenge and I will not be outdone. "So what you wanna do?" He crouched down in a squat position, spread my cheeks and began to caress my already tender hole. This sensitivity made me slightly crazy but I tried to keep it on the low but Robbie knows my body like I know his and he knew I wasn't up for another round after last night with Maurice. "Next time it's just you and me"

Later that morning, Darius and Maurice showered together and got dressed. I fell asleep on the couch again with my iphone in my hand in normal fashion and woke up to nudging from Darius. I took it was finally ready to go. Maurice was still looking half sleep and Robbie was moving with more pep in his step that usual. He opened the door for all three of us and locked the door. We took the elevator down from his 23rd floor apartment down to the garage to get back in the SUV. I wasn't sure how this was going to go was Robbie going to take us to the PATH trains and tell us to foot it from there or was he going to drive us into the city. I began to roll through emails and text messages and I got another one from Robbie saying "We got unfinished business...come through Wednesday". I replied "ok". Hey, I'm not a slut. I just like getting it in where I can get it when I can get it if I can fit it.

All Is Fair in Love and Money

"It's Funny How Money Changes A Situation"-Lauryn Hill, Lost Ones,1998

It is funny isn't it? It's funny how it takes coming into a whole lot of money for a person who started out with very little to finally start landing the bad ass chick, the pretty chicks. It's funny how fame, money and a good stylist makes people change how they see you on a scale of 1 to 10. Us as people can be so fake and so lame all at the same time. I can respect any chick or any dude that will say "I don't care how much money you throw at me, I'm still not fucking you". Apparently Lil Wayne, The-Dream or Kanye West have not a damn thing to worry about. As we saw, look where it got Jay-Z. I can agree, the majority of you that are reading this or people that I have interacted with will say "Looks don't matter" or "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". I think that is a fair and noble thing to say to keep from looking like the worlds biggest jerk. When in reality you are saying in the back of your head is "If I have to put a paper bag over your head to deal with you in bed, then whats the point?". Comedian/Actress S'more had one funny skit back in the 90s "...You know you're an ugly bitch when dudes refuse to fuck you missionary style so you might as well get on in that doggystyle" That was one of my favourite early skits by her.

I guess I am question how is it that Jay-Z ended up with Beyonce. By the time Jay-Z and Beyonce began dating, Jay-Z was still on the come up, Beyonce upgraded him by being sexy, in-shape and successful. That didn't quite make him sexier, It was when people started seeing he was actually making some serious money that people men and women started riding his plank. I respect Beyonce Knowles because she got with a man that she believed in, saw his potential and stuck with him throughout the changes in his career and they are still together six years later. Can you believe it's been six years since we first saw them together? That is where I can say, their relationship is genuine, no matter how you may feel about them together or what you think of his looks vs. her looks, that is genuine and it's an actual model relationship. Step 1: Look for someone in whom you have something in common with Step 2: Realize each others potentials and come up with a plan on how you can help each other achieve your goals Step 3: Enjoy the ride



Now when it comes down to people like let's say, Lil Wayne. I have spoken to a great deal of my female colleagues and they will try to explain to me up and down with a straight face that they find Lil Wayne attractive. If you are sitting at your computer screen or mobile device with a blank stare, trust me you arent the only one, I promise. The words many of them described him as was "cute" and he got "swagga". Ain't that much swagga in the world. So now to reference S'more, do you let him hit doggy-style because you can't stand to look at HIS face? Ladies, you gotta help me out here because I'm not quite comprehending what you find to be attractive, sexy or cute. By the way, if you consider your boyfriend a "cutie" he's automatically suspect or too young. No grown ass man that you get involved with should be "cute" like dogs are cute, cats are cute and little doll babies in pink dresses are cute. Your men should be strong, independent, indeed sexy and bring something to the table more than just money like a strong sense of values, respect, maturity and a sense of direction. Where does Lil' Wayne fit into this? These rather lovely examples of black beauty Toya, Lauren London & Nivea. These aren't your run of the mill chicken heads from the hood. What really suprised me was how badly Wayne treated Toya. Then he decides to get Lauren London and Nivea knocked up at the same time. I'm not quite following but if you ladies insist. I will say that I looked high and low and I couldn't find any pictures of Lil Wayne with any of the females out in public and you know how I feel about that "A man that doesn't want to be seen with you definetely doesn't want to be seen with you"


Next, I look at Christina Milian. Oh, Christina, as I bow my head into the palm of my right hand. You are indeed getting married to man that has three children by another woman. You are indeed a very pretty young lady, you have created quite a market for yourself as a teeny-bopper type actress in the "Bring It On" series, sorry that you missed out on Nick Cannon whom is now married to one of the widely recognized women in the past 20 years of music. You end up with someone like The-Dream whom we can all agree needs to push back from the table. As a woman of your calibur, don't you think the fact that he has 4 children from other baby mamas raise a red flag to say "Maybe I should think about this first" but you're already expecting so there's not much to think about right? As I look at this situation I have to ask myself if he was "The-Dream" and just Tarius Nash, would bangin ass Christina Milian even give him a second look?



I don't know about anyone reading this but I so could've seen Christina Milian with a football player or a basketball player. She just gives you that vibe since dating people in the music industry hasn't quite worked out for her. However, ching-ching she got married to the new VP of Island/Def Jam who is worth quite a huge chunk of money, no pre-nup was involved and there is a child on the way. I absolutely smell disaster in two years with no one to gain but Christina. I smell a divorce, I smell a cash settlement and I smell a hit record or two maybe an album because of course, The-Dream is not going to give wifey shitty beats or songs now is he?



Lastly someone explain this Kanye West-Amber Rose deal. Amber Rose is one stunning BBB, bad-ass bald bitch. Her physique is impressive and her body parts are soft, juicy and luscious and (PAUSE) she is dating Kanye "I'm very happy for you, I'm a let you finish but" West. Just as equally as many of you said nobody knew who Taylor Swift was until Kanye West interrupted her acceptance speech at the MTV Video Music Awards, 90% of you didn't know who Amber Rose was until she was seen out with who? Kanye. I am not at all crediting Kanye West for blowing up peoples careers. Taylor Swift had been creating hit country songs since she was age 15 outselling Gretchen Wilson, Carrie Underwood and Kelly Pinckler. I still can't tell you what Amber Rose has done that's remarkable. She is indeed a beautiful beast of a female but what is she doing with Kanye? Kanye is the last person that comes to mind when the word "swagger" is involved and across the board talking to women of all different backgrounds, they wouldn't let Kanye near their sweet honey nectar even if he did have the biggest stinger. He is the nerd/band geek that none of the pretty girls want. That again changed after the release of his album Graduation in which he beat out the 50 Cent for the #1 spot on the album charts that week. (I'm not even touching the 50 and Ciara debacle, too easy). Kanye started dressing a little better, actually a lot better and gaining noteriety from many fashion bloggers, sites and designers all around for his snappy style. The thing is, you still gotta see him naked, when he's naked you gotta look at his face and you when you're all alone and just the two of you, you still gotta deal with that rediculous ego.

Women for a fact know that sex is a powerful tool and Men know for a fact that money is a powerful tool as well and they know as long as they got the money, they can get the girl and as long as they can get the girl, they are getting the sex. So Money does in fact change a situation huh. Well maybe I should come into some money. I'd probably see a difference in how not only people treat me but I will never have to worry about an empty bed again. Just a thought.

Going Against The Grain (Part II): No Judgements, No Bias, Your Opinions!

I asked the question: Have you ever had to compromise your ideal type in order to achieve happiness whether you're dating, in a relationship or in the past? What was the outcome your answers will be entered in my blog if I do so have your permission. in congruence with my last blog "Going Against The Grain" and here are some of my responses via twitter and yahoo take a look.

Tyler Lewis of http://tigger500.typepad.com wrote
I don't have a type so I don't compromise, I look for a flexibility in how people relate and generally avoid people who act as though they know what they want because they too often confuse "need" with "want". People who make lists and count what they do or don't do and what they get from their partner don't interest me. I look for people who understand that relationships are partnership not in a cheesy way but people who understand that i am a separate, whole individual and they are too. This kind of person is exceedingly rare hence, why i enjoy being single.
Everyone i've dated or fucked has been different in some way, i'm not overly concerned with looks.


@VonnisLove via Twitter: I have not compromise my ideal type because the ideal fluctuate over time. You change as a person and so does your likes and dislikes. Happiness and true feelings from where you least expect it. In general I think I have compromise the ideal vision of myself to gain happiness in the dating world and thats just hard to recover. You tend to put urself in situations and act with people you normally dont affliate with and thats the harm u can do to yourself


@datHarlembOi via Twitter: I have had to copromise my ideal type. I think everyone has dreams of the "ideal type" but you have to realize that in order to be happy you have to meet people where they are n life, and also u have to be able to compromise in order to have a successful friendship, relationship, dating, or a fuck!!


@CharmUrSoxOff via Twitter: Of course, beacuse nobody is perfect. When you decide to commit to someone, relationship wise, you agree to take the good with the bad... the ideal with the not so ideal. Love is so much more than finding the perfect person, it's about finding the perfect person FOR YOU, flaws and all


Jose G, of NY wrote via yahoo: All the time, well a few times I have. Sometimes a person get tired of finding the same bullshit in guys, same lies, and same tired ol games so you choose to give someone else a chance. someone that ideally is not your type (not too far from it) but nonetheless your ideal type. I guess thinking that this new persons physical and mental difference is going to make a "difference" in your relationship or a better relationship with turn out from it. In the other hand, sometimes changing your ideal type of guy/girl does not solve the problem. Sometimes you try to make a different pick of individuals and they end up being the same type of guy/girl in the inside. It all depends on the chemistry between you and that other person. Thats what I believe.


Reimonenq, New Orleans via Yahoo wrote: Looks are revelant as longs as you are happy. Beauty comes in many shapes and sizes. Money it comes n goes but a lifetime partner is once in a lifetime. Happiness is the key


Bratt, NY wrote Never I stayed true to myself. And realize relationships are not for me. I am much happier not having to be accountable for someone else's feelings


@Ahmaud via Twitter wrote Can't say that I have


@gotChauncey via Twitter wrote Nope sorry


@BITCHwerMyMONEY via Twitter wrote Well u always have to compromise, no man is perfect, I want a lot out of a man but I have to compromise a lot of times


Anonymous, D.C. wrote via yahoo wrote I dated someone who was nothing like me, hiv neg and very much in the closet, the relationship was exquisite, we learned things from each other that we couldnt have learned from dating our own types. Love transcends labels and identities. Even though we are no longer a couple, we have evolved our love to brotherhood some that most people cant call their friends or lovers.

@MellowShawty via Twitter wrote it always ends badly and the worse part about it, you feel like a fool n the end for settling n still ending up hurt alone n fucked up n the game

Wow! I appreciate everyones responses to my question and hopefully, I'll be able to re-visit this topic.

Going Against The Grain vs. Going With What You Know

This morning I woke up to a familiar setting. I woke up alone. I woke up wondering what the guy that I wake up to would look like, smell like, feel like, sound like. You can't knock a brother for dreaming because right now that's all I have. Right now while most of my friends are beginning to learn their new boyfriends out how many that they've dated. I'm struggling to get dude across the room to notice me. I will say right now the biggest flaw in selecting who I choose to talk to has been that I always find out that they are taken and in relationships or "I'm not looking right now"

I never was the kind of guy to have a "type" of dude I wanted to be with when I first started becoming sexually active. I for some reason knew what kind of girls I liked when I was dating women, which I find ironic enough. I just knew that if it was a man and he was attractive and the sparks were there then I wanted him. Of course, people change and I asked this guy that I haven't seen in a long time this question "What happened between you and me that it didn't work?" and quite simply without hesitation he said "You're not my type" and I began to ask him what his type was and he laid out what he had to look like, act like, feel like, everything from his sexual role in bed to how many inches and how fat the booty had to be and he just laid it out there. I was quite surprised that we even dated because I possessed maybe 2 of the qualities if even that. He said that he went against everything to see if we can work but he could not get past my imperfections. Of course, I felt some type of way about this inside but what the hell am I going to do, I asked right? He did say this, He said that "...if I am going to find someone to be with then I can't go simply on what looks good at the moment and that I need to map out what kind of guys I am into" I thought this was quite dumb to be honest because I never had a type, I know what looks sexy, what looks good and what feels good however, what looks good, feels good, smells good isn't built to last. Basically what he saying was for me to "raise my standards a bit higher" . I met him when I was 23 and he was 24. He is now 28 and I am 2_ and I have to report that he is in fact still single.


In between the time of speaking with him and and finding out his current relationship status, I actually did raise the bar on what kind of guys could talk to me. At the time I was as mentioned in a previous blog going through my "cute phase" where my skin was clear and glowing, my haircut was always on point, nails and feet were always done and I was the thinnest and in the best I had been ever in my life so of course because I look, if I'm going to be seen at the same table as you at a restaurant you need to be looking dapper done or funky fresh dressed to impress ready to party. I was in the gym working on my physique and let me tell you, I was all about Hydroxycut to keep the fat down and CytoGainer to bulk my muscles up. I wanted to attract as many dudes to me as possible and so I did! (Aooow with the index finger on the booty). I have to say during this time in my life, I had the best sex of my life, I could've gotten anywhere, anytime and with anyone and it wasn't a problem because I had it like that. I was not looking to be Mister McFreak down but I wasn't going to pass up a hot time with a hot dude. Admittingly, I'm glad I did it then because I'm sure seeing that action today. When that phase began to wane I met a guy who was decent, attractive, nice toned body but I will say we bumped heads more times a pair of rams. He was arrogant and I'm more down to the earth, his social clique revolves around the Upper West Side snooty ex-NYU/Columbia students and my social clique revolves around people that like to kick back relax and let it all hang out or as its sometimes referred to as Below 14th street and above 145th street crowd. He liked tofu, I liked simple food. He hated everything I did and everything about what I did, how I did it, where I did, I mean he hated everything. The only time we got along as we further continued to date each other was when we were both silent. I sometimes wonder if I was his compromise and I still up this day ask myself did I compromise on my type messing around with him? That needless to say ended nearly as fast as it began, the sex was good though. Oh well. Fast forward to today waking up alone, I think about where I would be had I not placed restrictions on who I would or could date.

Of all the men I've dated. Only two of tem were something to look at. Angel and John. My reasons for dating the other men that has entered my life were because they actually treated me like they wanted me around and not like I was some extra in a movie scene. When I dated even overweight dudes in whom I may never be sexually attracted to, I never worried about feeling cheap, unwanted or disrespected. In fact, they treated me like Gold. I've dated plenty of guys that I knew deep down inside were not attractive but because I enjoyed their company and they enjoyed mine there was a mutual feeling of something there . I don't know where my next boyfriend is going to come from but I hope it's better than what I've ended up with these past few years. The most I can ask for is to be happy with someone that stimulates me mentally, physically, sexually and spiritually and that alone even if you take away the "type" of guy I'm into is so hard to find.

I Was In Love With A Preacher Man (Part II): No Smoke Without Fire

After splitting with my partner, I went through that normal "grieving" period where I was uncertain about which was up and which direction I was going. When him and I broke up it became a 1, 2 punch. Not only did I lose love but I also lost my job at the time so without really much of anyone to talk to I had to pull myself up the both straps and get a new job. I started working at the GAP in SoHo on 8th street which though was a big step down from working at a bank, It was something. I enrolled back in Borough Manhattan Community College and I met a new boo thang I was 22, he was 17. Nobody told me I was being such a cougar and didn't dare stop me. Things were looking up post break up. I took alot of flack during my relationship with the Minister but considering where my friends stood with that, anything is better than dating a Minister.

A few months passed and I had gotten a phone call from another Minister (Minister Bentley, that went to another church that I had visited with my boyfriend at the time. His voice sounded familiar and I couldn't understand how he got my number but I knew who he was because has a very distinguishable baritone voice. I remember the conversation just as clear as if it was yesterday.

Bentley: "Brother Randy, how have you been?"
Me: "I'm fine who's this?"
Bentley: "Minister Bentley, friend of your friend ________"
Me: "Hi, I haven't spoken to him in a few months"
Bentley: "I know...someone wants to talk to you hold on"
Reggie: "Hey Randy, it's Reggie remember me I came to church a few times"
Me: "Oh hey sup"
Reggie "I had no idea that you and ______ had been seeing each other"
Me: "Yeah how did you know that"
Reggie "He told me"
Bentley "I had no idea either" (in the background)
Reggie: "How long were you together?"
Me: "About almost a year"
Reggie: "Why did y'all break up"
Me: "He said that he was given a message by God to change his ways or else"
Bentley: "Change his ways or else what?"
Me: "...or he was going to leave Junior with a dad because he doesn't approve"

Reggie and Bentley are both on the line "Hmmmm"

Me: "What's going on?"
Bentley: "That _______ never learns does he"
Reggie "He's a mess and I told you that Bentley"
Me: "What are y'all two talking about?"
Reggie "When you first met me did you have any idea that ___ and I were messing"
Me: "No not at all, I thought you two were friends"
Reggie "I though you two were friends too, I didn't know he was your ex!"
Me: "Wait so you two were messing around after he told me he stopped being gay?"
Reggie "...and he told you he stopped messing with dudes huh"
Me: "Yes"
Bentley "He ain't stop..."
Me: "So you mean to tell me he lied to me"
Reggie "We were messin around the whole time while I was going to church with yall"
Me: "What?"
Bentley "He was going to leave his life and kids for Reggie"
Me: "That I don't believe he would never leave those kids with her alone"
Reggie: "Well she is now"

By the conclusion to this conversation we were having on the phone, I also found out that his family knew of all of his boyfriends and the situations that occured around him. The Minister I had been so deeply in love with has a thing for preying on young man who are experiencing a rough patch in their lives with a promise of acceptance and a church home and pretty much everything he told me. If he could promise the moon and stars he'd promise that too. I couldn't understand why they were telling me all of this but I figured If they were trying to make a fool out of me then I would find out and If the Minister was indeed lying to me then I would find out in due time. I found out more and more about this person that I thought was in love with me as much as I was in love with them and here come to find out, I was just a sideshow. I found out through one on one conversations with Bentley that the Minister was still sleeping with his ex in the midst of him and I breaking up and that after a bad fight between the two where he ex walked out for good is when him and Reggie met in Greenwich Village (the gay area of New York City).

Winter 2002 was freezing cold, there was snow everywhere on the ground and my boyfriend Steven, the 17 year old and I were ready to finally go home and this man bumped me mad hard and we both turned around and he said "excuse me brotha" and we glanced very quickly, I didn't see his face and I heard him yell "Randy!" and I turned around, his voice caused an immediate recollection in my mind. It was indeed my ex, The Minister. I imagine the look on the my face was one that only a child wouldnt want to see from his own mother and that look of violent anger when you've done something you had no business doing but you did it anyway. The minister is angry with me yelling "I had been trying to call you for the longest what happened?" I kept it cool but seeing him made me want to knock him out. "I changed my number, I'm working now and I'm in a relationship now where I'm happy. I forgot how to be happy and what? you expect me to sit there and pretend to be happy for you and Neka?" (his wife). I could tell Steven was getting agitated by us sparring words and rightfully so. I had wanted to handle this right away while I had him in my face in the flesh so he can explain himself. Steven walks away to go to the store and get me something to drink and it was freezing and since Steven was a redbone puertorican he was not happy with being out there in that cold but I was burning with anger I didn't care.

The first thing out of my mouth next was "Why did you lie to me? Why did you break up with me and I find out you are messing with this guy and this guy and this guy" and his response was one that men who fuck up but wait until after the fact that they got caught in their own web says "I'm sorry but you wouldn't understand" and I told him "I understand that you were messing with Reggie while we were all going to church together. I understand that you were also seeing your ex whom you claim to have been disgusted by but what I don't understand is how your family in whom I love can look me in my face as I still visited you knowing that all this was going on" I shamed him into comfirmed everything that Bentley and Reggie told me on the phone previous weeks before and he claimed that he was sorry. I had somethings for him at my apartment including his bible and one of his chains and his towel and I actually kindly washed it too. I was a faithful mess until the end.

I visited the Minister at his apartment in Harlem. That ride on the A train from my Downtown Brooklyn to 135th Street was one that was so familiar. I did that same walk up the flight of stairs and that same turn around the corner to his building and rang the same bell that I rang dozens of times and was greeted by uncle who was so happy to me. I walked down the shotgun hallway that is indigenous to Harlem apartments and walked into his room and found a damn near discombaubulated Minister. He said he hadn't been feeling well and that he was depressed because his life was just all messed up. I informed him that I too have been there once and I gave him that look, the look that said well now you know . He continued to inform me that he no longer has his ministry as God has been punishing him for "back slidng" and for the affects it had on his friends and his family and people he cared about. After talking with him for a little while, I gladly handed him his items that I still had at my apartment and I told him "take care of yourself ok" and I walked myself out of the door. By this time, I had also broken up with Steven, after that I had realized that I just needed to rid myself of men and be happy with myself.

Years later in 2005, I saw his now ex-wife Neka in the same barber as I was with Junior, her and The Ministers product. My chair was position to where she couldn't see my face but the kids were just as cute as ever and Neka seemed to look decent so I assume that she was getting her life back on track too. I later saw a picture of the Minister on MYSPACE and he was married and had a baby in his hand except the woman he was married to was not Neka. His page was full of wedding photos and he appeared happy. It was comfirmed to me through several sources that he gave up custody of his son to be with his mother because it was the best thing for the kids to be together. Apparently, Neka got in that ass and threatened his a custody suit and opposed to fighting it he agreed to give up parental rights. It's just amazing how many lives were affected by the selfishness of one person. I always knew I wanted a man that had a close relationship with God but this has brought on a whole new fear about me entering the sanctuary of the Lord. However, I now live life knowing alot more than I did before. I've grown wiser through this situation and I am mad no one, not even myself because in the end this made me the person I am today. I still love the Lord Jesus Christ and he knows that and I have watched him work in many ways in my life over and over again and I never doubt him. For anyone that has any doubts I'll put it like this. If I don't have any doubts after everything I've been through then don't you shouldn't have any doubts in the Lord.