Legally Superficially Gay?

Is the recession an excuse used by people who don't have to use as their pity story or is the recession used as an excuse for some to look down on those down on their luck. Unfortunately, it's a little bit of both. Anyone with eyes and ears know that there is nothing more brutal than being a gay minority anywhere, well try being a single gay minority in a large city with 14% unemployment while the national average is only 9.8%. Any amount of persons looking for work that is subjected to unemployment is way too many people.



After I became unemployed several days after my birthday, I already knew what my plan was going to be and that was go back to school and sharpen my craft in the field. This move would eventually push me from making $25,000 to close to $47,000 and yes these are actual numbers. It's amazing what a little bit of education can do for a brother in this economy. Just because I had the luxury of going back to school and I had a decent sized savings account doesn't mean that I was "Scott Free". I had to learn how to be conservative with my money and make some lifestyle changes that would affect my relationships with other people. At one point I use to want to be a part of "The Joneses", however my grandmother at Age 74 with a fistful of wisdom told me "Never be concerned with the Joneses and don't allow yourself to want to be The Joneses" ya hear that NeNe Leakes? Her explanation was that "The Joneses" are some of the fakest people around and they wish you no good. "The Joneses" are the people that keep the pot stirring with a small spoon which essentially mean that they have nothing to bring flavour to the recipe but want to find their way there anyway.



As school came to a close, I noticed my savings account started getting lower and lower. I hid alot of this from my friends and family because I really did want to encourage people if they could go back to school however what I didn't want to do was scare anybody from going to school by having them see that I was kinda struggling. I remember everyone being so supportive of me getting my certification and it was first time back in school since 2002. What I didn't realize is that my financial downfall may lead to the subject of scrutiny.

Through a conversation I had on twitter with three employed men of color. There was a comment of "I am tired of people using the recession as an excuse" after a comment was made about wanting a man with a car, a house, a fat bank account. You sorta wonder with people continuing to lose their jobs and homes daily do you also want a golden parachute as well? For those people who have that, it is truly a blessing but not many people have that because they mismanaged their funds continuously as the "financial party" continued throughout most of Former President Bush 43 presidency. There was a comment also made that "The recession only affects bankers and people that were irresponsible with their money". This is also untrue. While I can't speak for the home owners who bought homes that they feel they were "tricked into believing they can afford the CNN coined term "McMansions", I can speak for the people that played by the rules and were conservative with their funds when they knew they couldn't play with the big boys that No one should pay for someone elses irresponsibility. The financial meltdown that occurred nearly 8 weeks before we elected President Barack Obama spiraled into all industries as government, media and medical jobs continued to grow.

I began to dive deeper and find out what does this mean for an average guy who though may not have the car, the fancy house and the fat bank account. Does this make it right for people do have stability to discriminate against me? While I say that it does happen because I do know writing about this, I will definetely be the subject of scrutiny by "shady queens" who revel in other peoples misfortunes. I think it spotlights the superficial behaviour that has always underlined the gay community, particularly the minority community.

We have become a culture that instead of saving which we have been famously known for and been the envy of other communities, we have become big spenders like our heterosexual counterparts. Everyone want to pop bottles, drive fancy cars and live in apartments however living in apartment that don't even at least Baking Soda in the fridge. That has become the New York City gay way of living. Everything is a show.



With that being said What about whats going on inside of a persons mind as opposed to what is going on inside of a persons wallet? A person who is looking for what a person has is no different that than the Gold Digger that scouts out rich or well off men and women to help make themselves feel a bit more stable. Those two individuals whether employed or not employed are both reaching for the same goals, it's how they get there that makes the difference.

I made this point and I stand by this point, that anyone who is currently employed need to count their blessing because anyone is vulnerable and subject to being extremely humbled by not being able to find work and maintain a particular lifestyle. As I've learned throughout this year, friends see money friends stay but if friends see money go, they go and they go in the other direction, nowhere to be found when you really need them. In saying this I was not looking for pity by anyone because I know the meaning of earning a dollar instead of making a dollar, there is a difference. I also didn't want anyone to give me a hand out because I don't take hand outs. My grandmother worked all the way into her 60's to provide a better retirement account for herself and every day that she could get up and put her feet on the ground and take the A train from her Broadway Junction train station to Far Rockaway and then take the Q22 bus out to Laurelton, Long Island to a job that she worked 6 days a week taught me the meaning of hard work. However, the opportunist and the person that is a little down on their luck are not the same two people.




I understand the point of being weary of superficial men and even women out there that is more concerned with your pockets more so than getting to know who you are and possibly building something that is true and genuine however, fighting fire with fire by becoming that same person just with a better job doesn't quite keep those people away from you either, it makes them superficial but it lowers you by making you look shallow, another stereotype that plagues our community. It's a round and round circle that keeps us from getting to know each other becuase you have a part of the population that has their guard up now and a part of the population seeking friendship, love or afection for right reasons that are getting shafter because of that small part of the population that are up to absolutely no good.



I do know that the job that I will be starting in the next few days, I will be making good money and eventually I will want to get back into the dating scene, not so much the gay party scene because nothing good comes out of that. However, the thought of being looked at based on my income and not on my personality, not on what I can bring to the relationship kinda worries me slightly because I never minded treating, as a matter of fact, I felt myself to be a bit too generous when it came to treating and tipping the waiter (unless they sucked). I want to be looked at for the person that can make you laugh, make you feel good and make you special minus the pricetag on my forehead. I hope this is not what our community becomes in the long run. There are too many very good, quality, attractive men out there for us to simplify ourselves by categorizing incomes.



I do intend on furthering this discussion by showing ways of being able to spot a gold digger who doesn't have much from a genuine person.

In conclusion, I got word Wednesday that I start work on October 23, 2009 and I will be station in Valley Stream, Long Island which is a bit far however there are certain sacrifices a brother is going to have to make in order to be and also remain employed.

I hope you enjoyed my blog and please comment, I like it when people do that *smile*

Social Cleansing

As much as we make fun of Tyler Perry's Madea role. Madea has on many occassions recited a quote that I used to hear my maternal grandmother say all the time, "Some people come into your life for a lifetime and some for a season". In the new era of Facebook, Twitter and Myspace and even some iPhone applications like Loopt and Blackberry applications like Ping, we are allowed to hold on to people and hold on to things that can potentially hold us back from meeting new and exciting people and experience adventurous things. I will say even though we are able to keep track of all of our "friends", we have not found a great way to keep track of 1) our friends birthdays 2) our friends favourite things 3) Important dates like anniversaries.



Friendship though some are long lasting and others aren't so much, I notice come in rotations in most peoples lives, depending on how social you are. It normally happens at the beginning of each summer and you now have a "cut-up buddy" That person that you hit the streets with, meet their friends and they meet yours and you instantly clique. For girls, you wear each others clothing or borrow each others jewelry. For the guys, we'll get each others tabs or go dutch on certain things likes car rentals and such. Then all of the sudden August and September comes around and things begin to thaw out. You all of the sudden don't hear from that person as frequently. The seasons change and who you hang out with also change. If the frienship you had with that person was something impacted your life, you may feel a bit strong about how come the two of you do not hang out as much. Then comes November and December before Christmas (not implying anything) and you hear from them very little unless you bump into them in the street somewhere. In any essence, that was an associate as my grandmother would say. In my grandmothers days she would have ripped out that persons number out of her phonebook and threw it in the garbage. My grandmother is 74, she has a cellphone but keeps a phonebook. The people that are in her cellphone are her neighbours, the fire department, the precint, Wayside Baptist Church members and her family. When odd numbers pop up, it goes to voicemail.



I have gone through several of what I call God's "social cleansing" out of my life. If they weren't meant to be there for long they would show it in their own actions. By not attempting to reach out. Because we have applications such as Facebook, Twitter, Ping, Loopt, Yahoo Messenger, Google Talk, AIM and so on. Two-way street reaching out has become much easier. If they log on and haven't spoken, let it slide. If you speak to them first and the answers are short are non responsive, then maybe you should re-evaluate what that person is there for. Maybe that person is only good for a good laugh or a kiki when you see them at the bar or the club. There is nothing wrong with that. But in terms of someone to confide in when things are tough and you need someone to talk to, you might want to dig a little deeper. Talk to your family if you can, talk to people that have been with you through thick and thin but also talk to Jesus. If you just give Jesus a little bit of time throughout the day even if it's just to say Thank you Lord, he will see the wrong and he will do what he needs to do to fix it. Jesus can be your best friend when nobody will pick up the phone. He can be your best friend when you don't have a phone to pick up, his spiritual line is always open and I am a true witness to that.

There are different types of social cleansing you can do on your own and there are certain cleansing mechanisms that God does to help you out just a little. Here are some things you can do to kindly and politely make your phonebook and friends list a bit lighter. Start sorting out what you use social networks for and if you have people that don't really speak alot you may want to delete them, reason being quite frankly because they may be there just to be nosy and see what you're doing and what pictures you are uploading. In terms of your phone look through your phone and ask yourself when's the last time you spoke to this person and that person, If you have think a bit too hard then press Delete and keep moving. This is not a blog to be shady about this situation, you have to know when it's time to lighten your load and do right by you because if you don't and God has a plan for you and you do not adhere to that plan, he will put you in a predicament where you have no other choice but to accept them out of your lives, like isolating you from being where they will be or even personally taking a hand in life itself and removing them so you can get to where you need to be. There is no reason why you are doing right and your "friend" isn't and you choose to be their friend anyway meanwhile you are holding yourself back, absolutely not that is not what your life should be about. You need to recognize the game before the game recognizes you and wipes you out.

Being the social person that I am, I have accepted this rotation that people come into my life however not every person that smiles in your face wishes you well and not every single person is meant to be around next year. Friends are like fashion sometimes "One minute you're in, the next minute you're out" and what may look good this year should not be worn next year. It happens, so what you need to concentrate on are those timeless peices that you wouldn't trade for the world.

God Bless and I hope you enjoyed my blog, Please leave comments :) I like those.