The Four Types of Men That Get In Relationships...Some should NOT

There is a list for everything these days, a list of who's best dressed, a list of favourite foods, a list of bad diets, a list of who's cuter well there is a list of men that we get into relationships and how to identify them.

In descending order from the most favourable man to the least

1. The Faithful Man
2. The Man That Has a Wife & Has A Girlfriend On The Side
3. The Man That Is In A Relationship and Sleeps Around Because He Feels Like He Can
4. The Sex Addict



The Faithful Man is the of course the man that everyone wants but can't figure out with all the noise in the dating game who is this man?, where is he?, where does he live? and how come there aren't enough of him to go around?

The Man That Has a Wife & a girlfriend is the second most favourable man because these are the men that have trouble communicating what they need from their primary relationship. Most likely, all they want is more of your attention, however they're not needy or dependent, they are just looking for more of your time and they will get it from someone who is willing to give it to them. It is also fair to say that just because they have a girlfriend on the side doesn't mean they are having sex with them. The man that has a wife and a girlfriend is aware of who is priority. If something happens to you and you are #1 (or the wife) trust he will be right there by your side, where as #2 will probably get a phone call or a card. It is your duty as the wife to make sure that if you find yourself more pre-occupied with something else in your relationship that you take a moment to sit back and ask your lover, how are we doing? not how are you doing? but how are we doing? Are you happy? what can we do? It may not necessarily sound like that but just gauge your relationship, pace your relationship and make sure the lines of communication is open.

The Man That Is In A Relationship and Sleeps Around Because He Feels Like He Can is the man that sleeps around because he feels that he can absolutely get away with it for as long as he possibly can. Unfortunately, the sad truth is that this is the majority of the men that God created on this beautiful green, blue and brown earth. This is the man that is pretty on the side and ugly on the inside. This is the man that tells you who is he is from the get but we are so blinded by the pretty that we can't see the ugly. If he has critical opinions about things that aren't important like a persons looks or what a persons wearing or the kind of car that a person drives but have no opinions about things that matter, then mostly this is the guy right here and you need to run as far away as you can. Another clue to this type of man is the man that clearly "gets bored easily" now that alone should sound bells, whistles and alarm in your brain to say "check please!". The man that is in a relationship and sleeps around because feels like he can has a sense of entitlement. They are not humble and they feel they can not be knocked down and therefore they will continue to do it and in some cases even after he has been knocked down will he continue to do it because he will find a way to justify his every move.

The Sex Addict is the classic Sinner Man right? This man can't seem to get enough body, flesh, pussy, ass, titties, head (if he's gay dick, ass, cum, head). The Sex Addict often goes ignored but is as dangerous if not more dangerous as the gambling addiction. The Sex Addict will be in a relationship, have a girlfriend, sleeps around because he can and also will be online hook up sites and has an extensive porn collection. This man along with the Man That Is In A Relationship but Sleeps Around Because He Feels He Can, should not get in relationships but they do. At least with the Sex Addict there is help for them but if you find yourself in a relationship with this person and didn't realize it from the beginning, you have to allow them to get treated for this addiction and leave the relationship. You may feel like you are doing them a favour by staying with them however, all you are is a crutch to lean on when times get rough. They have to get treatment for this and then come to you clean. They are no good to you as a partner otherwise.

What do you think?

Sympathy for the Sideline Ho?

I never thought I'd find myself writing about this but, I figured I'd give it a shot since everyone knows me purely as the person who is vocal against men and women who cheat and their accomplices. Over the past few months, I have been getting into people's and even my own unconventional thoughts on love and relationships. I began to ask myself over the weekend, what if the sideline ho is not really this classic figure that we see in movies and soap operas that come in and try to swoop in on the good man? what if she wasn't the figure that comes in with the hot red lipstick and the 5 inch heels and the body painted outfit on trying to seduce the man? What if in fact, she like any other single person in this world is looking for a good man.

Upon talking to some friends, We all began to ask ourselves where are all the good men? We came to the conclusion that, well all the good men are either dead (R.I.P.) or they are in fact taken in relationships. Let's be clear, you can not take a bad boy and turn him into a good man, that doesn't happen. Just like you can't take a hoe and turn her into a housewife. It's the same principle. In one situation, I have heard women find themselves in the situation where they meet a man who is at the end of his rope with a waning relationship (Alicia Keys knows this situation very well) yet he is still with that person, he comes upon a breath of fresh air and excitement. He is still technically still with their significant other however, he is devoting his time to the newbie or the sideline ho. A bad boy would try to string both of them along for the excitement. A good man will be straight up front with the newbie before anything sexual even goes down and explain to the side-dish that they are involved, it's not working out and there is a huge chance that they might get back together. In this scenario in many situations, the side-dish will stick around hoping that the relationship fails so he can be with them for a long time. I can't necessarily blame her and while I can put my own spin and thoughts on the situation, that is not what this is about.

Anyone who is single wants a good man or woman in their life to be with even if its short lived. The ability to be wanted, needed and loved is a feeling that is inevitable with being the imperfect human and to get it any which way you can comes with the territory. Let's be clear here, I am not in any which way condoning cheating and I am not telling people it's okay to scout out married men/women to seek thrills and side relationships with. I do however, understand why sideline hoe's, side-dishes or whatever name you want to call them exist.

Being single is today's "dating market" has become increasingly difficult by the year. It has almost become like survival of the fittest and only the few will see the prize of a long lasting relationship. We have become as a society predisposed to being judgemental towards "the other woman" because it's easy to put fault and blame on them because she is part of the reason but she is only a small part of the reason. The problems that would even allow a sideline ho to even exist, is one that needs to be dealt with inside the relationship and quickly. A thief can't steal your purse if it's secured around your body, we're always taught this in signs and TV promotional ads preventing to muggings and same applies to relationships.

I thought I'd never find myself justifying a sideline hoe's reason to "steal" a man away from someone else. I consider myself a good man and can honestly say that even I came very close to laying in the arms of temptation and for me, it occurred right when I was at my most emotionally vulnerable and sexually frustrated. The only thing that stopped me from going through with it is that I confided in a friend who talked me out of it altogether. So it shows that even a person with good logic can fall prey to temptation. There is so easy way to conclude this so I'm going to go ahead and ask What are your thoughts

(Leave me your comments, you know I love those)

Bros Over Hoes?

Not so much buddy. Over the years among women it's been known as the "Girlfriend" rule and among guys it's known as "Bros over Hoes". What if your friend is the resident town whore. My grandmother always used to say, Pick your friends absolutely carefully because you my find yourself in precocious situations that won't be easy to get around. If you are friends with the guy that has to date all the cute guys or has to fuck all the cute boys in the city, it can make dating a bit harder. Many people will say, well in a city where there are infinite amount of boys to date, why go after your friends former date, lover, partner. Well, what if they actually do click. What if there is a connection there, that is different from the connection that you had with the person. One can't fault the friend or the lover for what is bound to be inevitable. People are allowed to run into each other, things tend to happen. There is only so much you as the friend is allowed to control especially when you personally have moved to something far better. If the past relationship, mattered so much how come you are no longer with that person.

This season of Desperate Housewives is examining that very idea of the "Girlfriend" rule. Bree (brilliantly played by Marcia Cross) is currently having an affair with her best friend (Susan Delfino played by Teri Hatcher) ex-husband, Karl. In this situation I sympathize with both Bree for falling for Karl but I am on Susans side on this only because Karl cheated of Susan multiple times and seeing him with other women particularly women that looked nothing like her brings back ugly memories of what those affairs did to her. Even though Susan is happily married to Tom Delfino, does she have a say if any of friends can date or have sex with her past partners.

I always viewed the "Girlfriend" rule as a way of restricting who your friends can see, just in case you happen to have a lonely night you can have the option to call one (or more) over for a late night cream. I personally don't buy it. I think it can get downright selfish in the event that you're friends with the town harlot. With the devastating and sometimes appalling popularity of online dating/sex sites, it has further closed in the gay community and has also find it's way into the heterosexual community as well. Everyone now knows a piece of everyone. It is unavoidable.

I have two scenarios and I'll try to make it short. Last year, I said goodbye to a dead-end friendship. It was a friendship were I was growing but the other person was stagnant and not really moving towards something. You can almost say we were both holding each other back. I found independence and they found self-confidence in the days after our friendship dissolved. What made the friendship dissolve was I got tired of being loyal to a friend that dated every good looking guy in the city of New York and Jersey City. I got tired of introducing them to him and seeing the familiarity and old "sparks" being rekindled. Later on, his friendship with his other friends also dissolved for that same reason.

In the second scenario. An ex-date of one of my best friend contacted me and explained how burned he was to find out that my friend jumped into a relationship after two weeks of knowing the guy. No courtesy, no "well I'm seeing this person and...", they found through pictures on facebook. Ladies and gentlemen, I've said it before putting too much on Facebook/Twitter can ruin you! Through consoling him, he explained that a friend of his wants to date him. Now they are very close to violating that "Girlfriend" aka "Bros over Hoes" rule. He did exactly what I mentioned early, he asked the new guy "How important is your friendship with him". Already by the answers, he knew that it would be an uncomfortable situation. However, that attraction is not going away anytime soon. It's actually been there for some time and they continue to dance around this attraction to each other. They both recognize it's only a matter of time before is before one is riding the others dick with disregard to my friend. My name is Bennett and I refuse to be in it. I have unconventional ways of thinking around many sensitive issues, as you see.

I tell people to evaluate how important this friendship is to them. Is it that important to explore love in such a fashion? If the answer is yes, you must be prepared to say goodbye to that friendship however, if the dating or relationship goes sour you have also left yourself completely "assed-out" of a shoulder to lean on. If you decide not to move forward with dating the past date, jumpoff, lover of your friend, you are stuck with that friend and you may have to explore other means of meeting people in which you will not continue to run into former lovers, boyfriends, dates, jumpoffs of your best friend.

If you are a harlot and you are reading this you also have to understand the climate in which we live in. If you have had sex with one person, you have in fact had sex with ten people, therefore you have closed the degrees of separation in an already minority community. So your friends hooking up with your past dates, lovers, jumpoffs is damn near inevitable and you might just have to suck it up for the sake of your friends happiness.

Where do you stand on this issue? Please leave me your comments, I love those.

Go Away Gold Digger

We all know them, we all see them, We all hear them and some of us have friends that are them. I am talking about the infamous Gold Digger. Let's be clear on this, Gold Diggers can be either male or female. They are still either or problematic. They seek out the attention of someone who they think can make their lives a lot more comfortable. Gold Diggers look to gain a night out on the town at expensive restuarants, rides in fancy cars, expensive clothing and jewelry and it has very little do with your looks, trust me. When you don't spot a Gold Digger in time, you usually walk around feeling like you should be walking around with a dunce cap on.

I had a friend who drove a nice car, went to school and made great money as a medical professional but had an extremely hard time meeting nice guys and I have to give a great deal of credit, he constantly put himself out there, he refused to get knocked by New York City's dating scene but he did get his fair share of bad apples in the Big (sometimes rotten) apple. I gave him some good sound advice that he waited eons to take but it eventually found him a good solid boyfriend for a year and some change.

My advice to him was to leave the car home and take the train to the date. So arrogant and so pigheaded, he on many occassions refused to listen. I would always ask how did his dates go and he would reply that they were really nice and they had a great time. He rarely told me that he had a good time, which signals to me, the date sucked. Well, it couldn't suck that bad he got some good butt out of it each time and the term "good butt" is subjective these days (right?). Furthermore, I couldn't understand why he would pay for the date. I understand the notion of being a good date and being a gentleman but putting your all into something that only gave you two nights of your time isn't going to secure SQUAT! You have to level out the playing field otherwise you will continue to remain duped.

So he finally left the car in the garage and met a date via train, they decided to go someplace a little less chic but wasn't low budget and something developed from there. Something happened in that situation. What happened was he met someone that saw him for who he was first and not what he had. It was until later that my friends date learned that he had a car and had a pretty good job. I asked him how did he react to learned that he drove the kind of caar that he drove and he said he was very nonchalant about it.

A Gold Digger in the situations above would have requested a pricey place to eat and when seeing the car would have made comments about either the condition of the car or the type of car it is. One thing about Gold Diggers is that they make it known what they want and what they are after.

So hopefully you're following, leave the car at home if you live in a city with mass transit or park the car somewhere in the area and and act as if you took mass transit. Also you be the one to recommend where to eat, if can mid-range price but have a nice atmosphere. If they don't like the joint because it's not fancy enough. They'll let you know and thats the end of that date.

Summer time is the best time to scout out a gold diggin hoe. The weather is much nicer so it allows alot more outdoor fun and of course, everyone loves to wear less clothing. If you are concerned with not putting too much cash into the dating experience of someone who may be just in it for what you got. Do simpler things, first of all New York City has Central Park, Atlanta has Piedmont Park, Chicago has Grant Park, Miami has South Beach and so on. The point is do a picnic, it's romantic it's within a certain budget and you also get alone. Gold Diggers look at this as not "fancy" enough so they get bored and move on to the next sponsor. Also try walks in the park or along the riverfront during the sunset. A genuine person sees this as romantic, Gold Diggers look at this as a big waste of time.

Finally Winter time comes around and it's a bit cold outside. Offer to cook. There is nothing more cool than someone who is willing to whip up complemented by a sexy glass of red wine. It's again affordable yet it says "I'm interested".

Theres are just small tidbits that discourage gold diggin ass hoes from coming into your life and trying to fuck up shit.

I hope you enjoyed my blog and please comment, you know I love those.

Going Against The Grain (Part II): No Judgements, No Bias, Your Opinions!

I asked the question: Have you ever had to compromise your ideal type in order to achieve happiness whether you're dating, in a relationship or in the past? What was the outcome your answers will be entered in my blog if I do so have your permission. in congruence with my last blog "Going Against The Grain" and here are some of my responses via twitter and yahoo take a look.

Tyler Lewis of http://tigger500.typepad.com wrote
I don't have a type so I don't compromise, I look for a flexibility in how people relate and generally avoid people who act as though they know what they want because they too often confuse "need" with "want". People who make lists and count what they do or don't do and what they get from their partner don't interest me. I look for people who understand that relationships are partnership not in a cheesy way but people who understand that i am a separate, whole individual and they are too. This kind of person is exceedingly rare hence, why i enjoy being single.
Everyone i've dated or fucked has been different in some way, i'm not overly concerned with looks.


@VonnisLove via Twitter: I have not compromise my ideal type because the ideal fluctuate over time. You change as a person and so does your likes and dislikes. Happiness and true feelings from where you least expect it. In general I think I have compromise the ideal vision of myself to gain happiness in the dating world and thats just hard to recover. You tend to put urself in situations and act with people you normally dont affliate with and thats the harm u can do to yourself


@datHarlembOi via Twitter: I have had to copromise my ideal type. I think everyone has dreams of the "ideal type" but you have to realize that in order to be happy you have to meet people where they are n life, and also u have to be able to compromise in order to have a successful friendship, relationship, dating, or a fuck!!


@CharmUrSoxOff via Twitter: Of course, beacuse nobody is perfect. When you decide to commit to someone, relationship wise, you agree to take the good with the bad... the ideal with the not so ideal. Love is so much more than finding the perfect person, it's about finding the perfect person FOR YOU, flaws and all


Jose G, of NY wrote via yahoo: All the time, well a few times I have. Sometimes a person get tired of finding the same bullshit in guys, same lies, and same tired ol games so you choose to give someone else a chance. someone that ideally is not your type (not too far from it) but nonetheless your ideal type. I guess thinking that this new persons physical and mental difference is going to make a "difference" in your relationship or a better relationship with turn out from it. In the other hand, sometimes changing your ideal type of guy/girl does not solve the problem. Sometimes you try to make a different pick of individuals and they end up being the same type of guy/girl in the inside. It all depends on the chemistry between you and that other person. Thats what I believe.


Reimonenq, New Orleans via Yahoo wrote: Looks are revelant as longs as you are happy. Beauty comes in many shapes and sizes. Money it comes n goes but a lifetime partner is once in a lifetime. Happiness is the key


Bratt, NY wrote Never I stayed true to myself. And realize relationships are not for me. I am much happier not having to be accountable for someone else's feelings


@Ahmaud via Twitter wrote Can't say that I have


@gotChauncey via Twitter wrote Nope sorry


@BITCHwerMyMONEY via Twitter wrote Well u always have to compromise, no man is perfect, I want a lot out of a man but I have to compromise a lot of times


Anonymous, D.C. wrote via yahoo wrote I dated someone who was nothing like me, hiv neg and very much in the closet, the relationship was exquisite, we learned things from each other that we couldnt have learned from dating our own types. Love transcends labels and identities. Even though we are no longer a couple, we have evolved our love to brotherhood some that most people cant call their friends or lovers.

@MellowShawty via Twitter wrote it always ends badly and the worse part about it, you feel like a fool n the end for settling n still ending up hurt alone n fucked up n the game

Wow! I appreciate everyones responses to my question and hopefully, I'll be able to re-visit this topic.

Going Against The Grain vs. Going With What You Know

This morning I woke up to a familiar setting. I woke up alone. I woke up wondering what the guy that I wake up to would look like, smell like, feel like, sound like. You can't knock a brother for dreaming because right now that's all I have. Right now while most of my friends are beginning to learn their new boyfriends out how many that they've dated. I'm struggling to get dude across the room to notice me. I will say right now the biggest flaw in selecting who I choose to talk to has been that I always find out that they are taken and in relationships or "I'm not looking right now"

I never was the kind of guy to have a "type" of dude I wanted to be with when I first started becoming sexually active. I for some reason knew what kind of girls I liked when I was dating women, which I find ironic enough. I just knew that if it was a man and he was attractive and the sparks were there then I wanted him. Of course, people change and I asked this guy that I haven't seen in a long time this question "What happened between you and me that it didn't work?" and quite simply without hesitation he said "You're not my type" and I began to ask him what his type was and he laid out what he had to look like, act like, feel like, everything from his sexual role in bed to how many inches and how fat the booty had to be and he just laid it out there. I was quite surprised that we even dated because I possessed maybe 2 of the qualities if even that. He said that he went against everything to see if we can work but he could not get past my imperfections. Of course, I felt some type of way about this inside but what the hell am I going to do, I asked right? He did say this, He said that "...if I am going to find someone to be with then I can't go simply on what looks good at the moment and that I need to map out what kind of guys I am into" I thought this was quite dumb to be honest because I never had a type, I know what looks sexy, what looks good and what feels good however, what looks good, feels good, smells good isn't built to last. Basically what he saying was for me to "raise my standards a bit higher" . I met him when I was 23 and he was 24. He is now 28 and I am 2_ and I have to report that he is in fact still single.


In between the time of speaking with him and and finding out his current relationship status, I actually did raise the bar on what kind of guys could talk to me. At the time I was as mentioned in a previous blog going through my "cute phase" where my skin was clear and glowing, my haircut was always on point, nails and feet were always done and I was the thinnest and in the best I had been ever in my life so of course because I look, if I'm going to be seen at the same table as you at a restaurant you need to be looking dapper done or funky fresh dressed to impress ready to party. I was in the gym working on my physique and let me tell you, I was all about Hydroxycut to keep the fat down and CytoGainer to bulk my muscles up. I wanted to attract as many dudes to me as possible and so I did! (Aooow with the index finger on the booty). I have to say during this time in my life, I had the best sex of my life, I could've gotten anywhere, anytime and with anyone and it wasn't a problem because I had it like that. I was not looking to be Mister McFreak down but I wasn't going to pass up a hot time with a hot dude. Admittingly, I'm glad I did it then because I'm sure seeing that action today. When that phase began to wane I met a guy who was decent, attractive, nice toned body but I will say we bumped heads more times a pair of rams. He was arrogant and I'm more down to the earth, his social clique revolves around the Upper West Side snooty ex-NYU/Columbia students and my social clique revolves around people that like to kick back relax and let it all hang out or as its sometimes referred to as Below 14th street and above 145th street crowd. He liked tofu, I liked simple food. He hated everything I did and everything about what I did, how I did it, where I did, I mean he hated everything. The only time we got along as we further continued to date each other was when we were both silent. I sometimes wonder if I was his compromise and I still up this day ask myself did I compromise on my type messing around with him? That needless to say ended nearly as fast as it began, the sex was good though. Oh well. Fast forward to today waking up alone, I think about where I would be had I not placed restrictions on who I would or could date.

Of all the men I've dated. Only two of tem were something to look at. Angel and John. My reasons for dating the other men that has entered my life were because they actually treated me like they wanted me around and not like I was some extra in a movie scene. When I dated even overweight dudes in whom I may never be sexually attracted to, I never worried about feeling cheap, unwanted or disrespected. In fact, they treated me like Gold. I've dated plenty of guys that I knew deep down inside were not attractive but because I enjoyed their company and they enjoyed mine there was a mutual feeling of something there . I don't know where my next boyfriend is going to come from but I hope it's better than what I've ended up with these past few years. The most I can ask for is to be happy with someone that stimulates me mentally, physically, sexually and spiritually and that alone even if you take away the "type" of guy I'm into is so hard to find.

Great Friends Stupid Advice (I Love You But Shut Up)

Why is the ones that are always boo'ed up and cuddled and caked up never have a problem getting with someone but always want to tell their single friends "oh your time will come, you just gotta be patient" Why the hell do I gotta wait around while I watch you two suck each others face apart. Were you being patient when you was riding his dick these past few weeks meanwhile you broke up with your last boyfriend just the week before. I mean damn, you didn't even wipe the spit and lube off your dick before you moved on to the next person and now you're in a "relationship" What do I look waiting? I feel like people who do that to their frieve a secret motive to have you single so that way when things aren't going right in their lives, you are always available and I am here to say it don't quite work like that and not in my book. You as a friend is going to have to come with something a bit better.

It's always the ones that can't go 3 weeks little alone 3 months without being in a relationship thats telling you to wait. I personally think they should take their own advice and find out what it mean to be really single and I mean really single like no dates, no jump offs, no none of that. I bet you any amount of money they'd feel the same way I feel right now. I am on Day 404 of no sex, no date. And don't even think this is by choice either reference [D.O.D.N.Y.C Death of Dating in New York] . Like seriously, giving "advice" for the sake of giving is not being a good friend. Being a good friend comes with understanding where the other one is coming from. If you can't relate than maybe it's just a better idea not to say anything at all. In fact, I did challenge some of my friends to turn down their next "piece" to see what its like to be single longer than a season and they refused because they would rather go blind than to not have a warm body in their bed. It's not that they won't but they can't. Being single is not a choice that people want to make if they had a change to decide.

I think it's best to say that if you haven't been single for longer than a year than you don't know what lonely mean. And don't try to use lonely in context of friends and family either because I don't you want to be kissed, hugged and carressed by your friend or some of you friends. Think about it now. Don't be a dummy.

So Insecure

I find myself to be a really nice but not the guy that dudes look at right away with that "MMM DAMN" eye. The best thing I usually hear is "you're a cool dude" or "oh my god he is so funny". Granted if it wasn't for the sense of humour that I have today, I am pretty sure I would have committed suicide along time ago. I used to think that I was so unattractive and while I still struggle with my insecurities, I have come to understand that I can't change my features so no nose jobs, no eye lifts, no lip injections or cheek implants or any of that. I have to just work with what I have and I can't lie there are just times where I feel that maybe what I'm working with is not enough. Is this why we have so many whores and sluts? The girls have big boobs wear a shirt short of exposing the ariola (sp?) and they wear poom poom shorts knowing good and well one leg is going in the crack of their ass while the other one is laying down, now you know that is a CODE 10!

I consider myself a really handsome guy, I actually do. I think I've always been handsome but not the "cute" boy, everybody wants that boy that looks like a member of B2K or something and I've never been that guy and for the record I look like an absolute idiot in a fitted. I think I've maybe had a "cute" phase probably between the age of 23 - 25, my skin was clear, I was the thinnest I had ever been at about 145lbs and guys were hitting on me left and right. I kinda wish I wasn't detoxing from my last failed relationship and made more of the most of the attention that I was getting at that time. It really did boost my confidence to know that no matter where I was going I was able to turn heads. Now that I am no longer turning heads and I am more than worried because now I am trying to figure what in the world do I need to do to get their attention. This is getting harder and harder. SCARED.

Interracial Dating Stigmas, Stereotypes & Successes

Born to a Conservative family from the south, it took me many years to finally see my first Interracial couple and it took me much longer than that to see the product of an interracial marriage. When I finally did, I thought nothing of it. I thought well they are two people in love, that have a great relationship and have beautiful kids. What I always loved about Interracial kids is that they always looked racially ambiguous and had the only messy afro, It is so cute to see it on a toddler who's hair weighs more than their own body. However, I never knew the prejudices and pressures from the outside to either be very successful or be a complete failure. People thing that gays have it hard, I can say that Interracial couples culturally have it bad as well with the stereotypes, the stigmas, the suggestive looks.

More and more, If you ask your friends what are they you would find that alot of people without knowing it are the product of Interracial marriages. I have two friends that are Jamaican-Cuban or Jamaican-Puertorican decent and oddly in a funny way people don't consider either of two "interracial" because Puerto-Ricans and Cubans can trace their African roots back simply to one generation prior to them. I think people have more of a problem when there is a white man or a white woman involved, and while some cultures embrace interracial marriages the problem become more prevelant when there is color involved.

A few months ago, I was an emotional wreck. People see this as a sign of weakness or that I can't seem to get it together but don't judge a person based on what you know of yourself but look at the situation from if you had to be in their situation. I was agonizing over being single for 5 years and I had not been having sex on the fly at all, I have been kinda solo for over a year now (as mentioned in a previous blog) I just felt absolutely unseen, unheard and undesirable to the same group of people that I do deeply love. I love dark and chocolate brothas and yeah the not so chocolate gets love too however, as explain I feel as if I wasn't being looked at with that same desire, though I had meeting really great guys, there was always one thing, they were all taken yet flirting hard with me, it was as if they were using me as some kind of "reserve" for when their relationship goes south they can have something to snuggle up with. When I do get up the nerve to talk to somebody the magical line appears "I'm actually kinda talking to somebody right now so yeah sorry" I was in the apartment alone and I had texted everyone and got on facebook and told myself that I am no longer interested in dating black men anymore. And then the backlash began.

I began receiving phone calls, e-mails and text messages explaining how irrationally I was acting and that this isn't coming from a genuine place and that I am wrong for disowning my "beautiful black brothas" in favour of ... "pink meat" (?) - Yeah, exactly. I actually thought the pink meat one was kinda funny becuase if I ever heard a ignorant phrase, that would be it.

I was even more suprised by the infinite amount of support and love I've gotten from some very unlikely sources saying that they support my decision and agree with how I view Black gay men in New York and they felt that if I strongly believed in what I was saying then the people I offended would have to suck it up and just nod their heads because this is my battle and not theres. I agreed to apologize anyway for offending the people that I do care about however re-iterated my position on dating outside of my race.

The evidence is quite frankly and clearly in the pudding and it's looking quite appetizing. There is a huge cultural different if you walk a 10 block radius in the Avenues of New York. In the village you see you young and urban blacks and latinos a long with affluent whites sharing a very multicolored landmark neighborhood but if you keep walking up Hudson Street which soon becomes 8th Avenue then you walk into the extremely in your face GAY neighbourhood of Chelsea that occupies everything from 14th Street all the way up to 32nd Street and spreads from the West Side Highway to 6th Avenue. You see white couples holding hands but more so you see extremely happily gay interracial black to white couples and the prejudices that are found in the urban community or in fringe conservative white communities are not present, they are allowed to be young, gay and happy. Jealous much? hell yeah I am where is my young, gay and happy?

I can only speak from an urban mindset because thats where I grew up and how I grew up, someone from a white conservative setting may see it differently. However there is this "fear" or perception that White people come up and "scoop up" all the good ones that they are fighting for. Then on the flipside there is this perception that when a black woman get with a white man or vice versa that they are only with them because they will get them out the hood and keep the financial stable. Though I must say there are some people out there that are gold diggers and will jump at the opportunity to get in a white limo if they knew they didn't have to take the bus anymore however it's much deeper than that, first of all I have something to say to all those people that have something to say about who other people are dating and not worrying about who's in their beds.

Dennis Rodman who's first wife was white explained that he received the same amount of flack from black women that he dated and he flatly said "You bitches played me all through growing up, you wouldn't give me any play because you thought I was tall and ugly so why does it matter now because I'm giving this good dick away to someone who wants it?" That right there kinda says what I think about people's narrow-minded perceptions.

Why does it have to be about money? Why does it have to be about status? Why can't it be simply because they genuinely and truly love each, love each others company, time and companionship?

So I explained to one of my best friends, I consider him a great intelligent mind and he was one of the people that gave me the most flack for wanting to close the door on Chocolates. I told him when I was single and went to clubs and went to the parties no one paid me no mind, the boys would throw me shade and their friends would kiki however the minute I go to a party and I come with a white date, all of the sudden its all eyes on us, it is as if the DJ stopped playing the music altogether. So you wouldn't look me up 2 seconds before but all of the sudden I have a white date and now you want to take notice, now you want to look at me and now that you are looking at me and you are looking at me sideways for?

He explained that his main concern was that he didn't want me being used expressing that he doesn't want me to become the black-white relationship stereotype where and (don't laugh but I have seen this too) Where the black guy is the most "noticeably" dominant person in the relationship, so therefore he becomes "daddy" or the Black in the relationship becomes the submissive bitch to the white guy in the relationship or he doesn't want me to become the one making the funny collard-greens and chicken wings jokes to create laughs among his white friends. I simply explained to him that you find that even inside same-race relationships you will have the one thats more dominant, the one thats submissive and the ones that's more social than the other. It's just how people attract each other.

There is a huge success in dating outside of ones race. There is that general curiosity between both partners to learn about each others background, try new things and learn from each other experiences. A relationship is supposed to be one that builds and being in an interracial relationship gives a couple that head start in that journey. You're both already different by not only race, but culture and background then there is that well "what are you likes & dislikes" what are your feelings on.... and so on and so on. What I also find convenient about interracial relationships particularly in the beginning is that the "haters" make themselves so known in an obvious way that they get booted before they can cause any trouble.

I have yet to be convinved otherwise that there is something wrong with interracial dating nor do I see any of the reasonings for the stereotypes of stigmas that present themselves in modern day culture. Love doesn't have to have a color, race, look, style, age or guidelines. It just has to be what it is and let them be happy.

If you liked what you read leave me comment. I love you for reading.

Drink of choice: Yellow-Tail Merlot half glass

D.O.D.N.Y.C. [Death of Dating in New York City]

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