I Was In Love With A Preacher Man (Part II): No Smoke Without Fire

After splitting with my partner, I went through that normal "grieving" period where I was uncertain about which was up and which direction I was going. When him and I broke up it became a 1, 2 punch. Not only did I lose love but I also lost my job at the time so without really much of anyone to talk to I had to pull myself up the both straps and get a new job. I started working at the GAP in SoHo on 8th street which though was a big step down from working at a bank, It was something. I enrolled back in Borough Manhattan Community College and I met a new boo thang I was 22, he was 17. Nobody told me I was being such a cougar and didn't dare stop me. Things were looking up post break up. I took alot of flack during my relationship with the Minister but considering where my friends stood with that, anything is better than dating a Minister.

A few months passed and I had gotten a phone call from another Minister (Minister Bentley, that went to another church that I had visited with my boyfriend at the time. His voice sounded familiar and I couldn't understand how he got my number but I knew who he was because has a very distinguishable baritone voice. I remember the conversation just as clear as if it was yesterday.

Bentley: "Brother Randy, how have you been?"
Me: "I'm fine who's this?"
Bentley: "Minister Bentley, friend of your friend ________"
Me: "Hi, I haven't spoken to him in a few months"
Bentley: "I know...someone wants to talk to you hold on"
Reggie: "Hey Randy, it's Reggie remember me I came to church a few times"
Me: "Oh hey sup"
Reggie "I had no idea that you and ______ had been seeing each other"
Me: "Yeah how did you know that"
Reggie "He told me"
Bentley "I had no idea either" (in the background)
Reggie: "How long were you together?"
Me: "About almost a year"
Reggie: "Why did y'all break up"
Me: "He said that he was given a message by God to change his ways or else"
Bentley: "Change his ways or else what?"
Me: "...or he was going to leave Junior with a dad because he doesn't approve"

Reggie and Bentley are both on the line "Hmmmm"

Me: "What's going on?"
Bentley: "That _______ never learns does he"
Reggie "He's a mess and I told you that Bentley"
Me: "What are y'all two talking about?"
Reggie "When you first met me did you have any idea that ___ and I were messing"
Me: "No not at all, I thought you two were friends"
Reggie "I though you two were friends too, I didn't know he was your ex!"
Me: "Wait so you two were messing around after he told me he stopped being gay?"
Reggie "...and he told you he stopped messing with dudes huh"
Me: "Yes"
Bentley "He ain't stop..."
Me: "So you mean to tell me he lied to me"
Reggie "We were messin around the whole time while I was going to church with yall"
Me: "What?"
Bentley "He was going to leave his life and kids for Reggie"
Me: "That I don't believe he would never leave those kids with her alone"
Reggie: "Well she is now"

By the conclusion to this conversation we were having on the phone, I also found out that his family knew of all of his boyfriends and the situations that occured around him. The Minister I had been so deeply in love with has a thing for preying on young man who are experiencing a rough patch in their lives with a promise of acceptance and a church home and pretty much everything he told me. If he could promise the moon and stars he'd promise that too. I couldn't understand why they were telling me all of this but I figured If they were trying to make a fool out of me then I would find out and If the Minister was indeed lying to me then I would find out in due time. I found out more and more about this person that I thought was in love with me as much as I was in love with them and here come to find out, I was just a sideshow. I found out through one on one conversations with Bentley that the Minister was still sleeping with his ex in the midst of him and I breaking up and that after a bad fight between the two where he ex walked out for good is when him and Reggie met in Greenwich Village (the gay area of New York City).

Winter 2002 was freezing cold, there was snow everywhere on the ground and my boyfriend Steven, the 17 year old and I were ready to finally go home and this man bumped me mad hard and we both turned around and he said "excuse me brotha" and we glanced very quickly, I didn't see his face and I heard him yell "Randy!" and I turned around, his voice caused an immediate recollection in my mind. It was indeed my ex, The Minister. I imagine the look on the my face was one that only a child wouldnt want to see from his own mother and that look of violent anger when you've done something you had no business doing but you did it anyway. The minister is angry with me yelling "I had been trying to call you for the longest what happened?" I kept it cool but seeing him made me want to knock him out. "I changed my number, I'm working now and I'm in a relationship now where I'm happy. I forgot how to be happy and what? you expect me to sit there and pretend to be happy for you and Neka?" (his wife). I could tell Steven was getting agitated by us sparring words and rightfully so. I had wanted to handle this right away while I had him in my face in the flesh so he can explain himself. Steven walks away to go to the store and get me something to drink and it was freezing and since Steven was a redbone puertorican he was not happy with being out there in that cold but I was burning with anger I didn't care.

The first thing out of my mouth next was "Why did you lie to me? Why did you break up with me and I find out you are messing with this guy and this guy and this guy" and his response was one that men who fuck up but wait until after the fact that they got caught in their own web says "I'm sorry but you wouldn't understand" and I told him "I understand that you were messing with Reggie while we were all going to church together. I understand that you were also seeing your ex whom you claim to have been disgusted by but what I don't understand is how your family in whom I love can look me in my face as I still visited you knowing that all this was going on" I shamed him into comfirmed everything that Bentley and Reggie told me on the phone previous weeks before and he claimed that he was sorry. I had somethings for him at my apartment including his bible and one of his chains and his towel and I actually kindly washed it too. I was a faithful mess until the end.

I visited the Minister at his apartment in Harlem. That ride on the A train from my Downtown Brooklyn to 135th Street was one that was so familiar. I did that same walk up the flight of stairs and that same turn around the corner to his building and rang the same bell that I rang dozens of times and was greeted by uncle who was so happy to me. I walked down the shotgun hallway that is indigenous to Harlem apartments and walked into his room and found a damn near discombaubulated Minister. He said he hadn't been feeling well and that he was depressed because his life was just all messed up. I informed him that I too have been there once and I gave him that look, the look that said well now you know . He continued to inform me that he no longer has his ministry as God has been punishing him for "back slidng" and for the affects it had on his friends and his family and people he cared about. After talking with him for a little while, I gladly handed him his items that I still had at my apartment and I told him "take care of yourself ok" and I walked myself out of the door. By this time, I had also broken up with Steven, after that I had realized that I just needed to rid myself of men and be happy with myself.

Years later in 2005, I saw his now ex-wife Neka in the same barber as I was with Junior, her and The Ministers product. My chair was position to where she couldn't see my face but the kids were just as cute as ever and Neka seemed to look decent so I assume that she was getting her life back on track too. I later saw a picture of the Minister on MYSPACE and he was married and had a baby in his hand except the woman he was married to was not Neka. His page was full of wedding photos and he appeared happy. It was comfirmed to me through several sources that he gave up custody of his son to be with his mother because it was the best thing for the kids to be together. Apparently, Neka got in that ass and threatened his a custody suit and opposed to fighting it he agreed to give up parental rights. It's just amazing how many lives were affected by the selfishness of one person. I always knew I wanted a man that had a close relationship with God but this has brought on a whole new fear about me entering the sanctuary of the Lord. However, I now live life knowing alot more than I did before. I've grown wiser through this situation and I am mad no one, not even myself because in the end this made me the person I am today. I still love the Lord Jesus Christ and he knows that and I have watched him work in many ways in my life over and over again and I never doubt him. For anyone that has any doubts I'll put it like this. If I don't have any doubts after everything I've been through then don't you shouldn't have any doubts in the Lord.

I Was In Love With A Preacher Man (Part I)

On twitter last month, I was explain to my friend in Christ Jaymes Terence, how in 2001-2003 I was heavily into going to church. It was new and exciting baptized, filled with the holy ghost, speaking in tongues (though I'm not sure about that last two parts anymore), I was pretty much doing it all. Did that make me any less gay, the answer I give you then and I will you today is absolutely not . I was just not placing myself in the position to be seen as the messy church queen and that I up to this day will maintain. I never was the one on the hunt while the good word was being preached. Everytime I went to church it was just a wonderful thing to see Gods work at it's best

In 2001 I met a Minister and I don't know if I was fortunate to meet him or if he was a crossroads in my life. I met him casually on my way home from the club. And ours kept crossing paths and we exchanged hellos and I took his number and he took mine and we had been talking, dating, going to dinner, walks in the parks well little did I know he had a son that looked like a spitting image of him and the boy is absolutely adorable. Back then, I was into flirting with the idea of fatherhood (ask me what I think now). He was also raising his at the time seperated from wife's child from previous relationship. [Hold what you want to say because it's all going to come full circle]. Whatever problems The Minister and his wife had came way before I came into the picture and I was not introduced to her until much later in us dating. To make matters even more messy, I was introduced to his ex-boyfriend who I saw at NYC pride looking like a freak show, holy hot mess. Things were just a mess all around him but I didn't care he was everything that I was looking for extremely smart, very attractive, slim sexy, with all the essential goods you'd want but his personal life was a mess and his mess shortly became mine.

At one afternoon service during a church visit by Pastor Linda Reid, the controversy reared its ugly head like a boiling pot of water with the lid on it just boiling. She created a prayer line at the end of service and used her gift of "discernment" to call out the "spirit of homosexuality" out of me. I have never been so embarrassed and uncomfortable in my entire life. You just outed me in front of your entire congregation and the gasps that followed just made my back sweat and as he sat there just looking and I looked at him with the look saying Help Me I knew that my mind was speaking to his because it read in my eyes and he was crying because there was nothing either one of us could do. Yes, I let him have it and he explained to me that as a Minister there is nothing he can do about the situation because that was "Gods Work" and I explained to him my experience of being outed in the High School cafeteria and that shame, guilt and disrespect I felt along with the action of being an outcast. I'd be damned at 21, 22 years of age would I go through something I experienced at 16 & 17 all over again. He promised to stand by me and that's when I learned promises are meant to be broken.

Our last official date was at the marina that had once been shadowed by the Twin Towers and we walked around it was a beautiful night September 10, 2001 and we were outlining our future together. Even after the fall out of being called out in front of a major church like that I was still happy and in love with this beautiful Man of God.

As everyone knows the next day the terrorists attacked the United States by air. Communication was damaged and smoke, ash and debris filled the Downtown Manhattan and Downtown Brooklyn areas. We spoke about a week later when phone service resumed and he told me that he had a "message from God" that he was hindering my growth as a Christian and that he could not continue being my partner. Up to this day, that was by far the most original break up line I have ever received. I witnessed him and his wife get back together and I slowly found myself out the picture for good. I did what a respectful person in my situation would and should do and thats walk away gracefully. While she was very aware of what was going on in his life, that was still her man, her husband, the father of the child that they have together and even thought they were seperated, I had no place there whether or not their problems existed before or during my dealings with him.

I don't have any quirks and qualms about going to church but i do know that I am just gay if not gayer now than I ever was when i was going to church and thought I love the lord and identify myself as a Christian, Because of the situation I put myself through I have a fear of going back to church. I don't want to go through the calling my homosexual spirt out and I don't want to get wrapped up into the church politics. This Jaymes, is why I have not been to church and why am I scared to see the inside of another church again.

There is a Part II...seriously CODE 10!