I never thought I'd find myself writing about this but, I figured I'd give it a shot since everyone knows me purely as the person who is vocal against men and women who cheat and their accomplices. Over the past few months, I have been getting into people's and even my own unconventional thoughts on love and relationships. I began to ask myself over the weekend, what if the sideline ho is not really this classic figure that we see in movies and soap operas that come in and try to swoop in on the good man? what if she wasn't the figure that comes in with the hot red lipstick and the 5 inch heels and the body painted outfit on trying to seduce the man? What if in fact, she like any other single person in this world is looking for a good man.
Upon talking to some friends, We all began to ask ourselves where are all the good men? We came to the conclusion that, well all the good men are either dead (R.I.P.) or they are in fact taken in relationships. Let's be clear, you can not take a bad boy and turn him into a good man, that doesn't happen. Just like you can't take a hoe and turn her into a housewife. It's the same principle. In one situation, I have heard women find themselves in the situation where they meet a man who is at the end of his rope with a waning relationship (Alicia Keys knows this situation very well) yet he is still with that person, he comes upon a breath of fresh air and excitement. He is still technically still with their significant other however, he is devoting his time to the newbie or the sideline ho. A bad boy would try to string both of them along for the excitement. A good man will be straight up front with the newbie before anything sexual even goes down and explain to the side-dish that they are involved, it's not working out and there is a huge chance that they might get back together. In this scenario in many situations, the side-dish will stick around hoping that the relationship fails so he can be with them for a long time. I can't necessarily blame her and while I can put my own spin and thoughts on the situation, that is not what this is about.
Anyone who is single wants a good man or woman in their life to be with even if its short lived. The ability to be wanted, needed and loved is a feeling that is inevitable with being the imperfect human and to get it any which way you can comes with the territory. Let's be clear here, I am not in any which way condoning cheating and I am not telling people it's okay to scout out married men/women to seek thrills and side relationships with. I do however, understand why sideline hoe's, side-dishes or whatever name you want to call them exist.
Being single is today's "dating market" has become increasingly difficult by the year. It has almost become like survival of the fittest and only the few will see the prize of a long lasting relationship. We have become as a society predisposed to being judgemental towards "the other woman" because it's easy to put fault and blame on them because she is part of the reason but she is only a small part of the reason. The problems that would even allow a sideline ho to even exist, is one that needs to be dealt with inside the relationship and quickly. A thief can't steal your purse if it's secured around your body, we're always taught this in signs and TV promotional ads preventing to muggings and same applies to relationships.
I thought I'd never find myself justifying a sideline hoe's reason to "steal" a man away from someone else. I consider myself a good man and can honestly say that even I came very close to laying in the arms of temptation and for me, it occurred right when I was at my most emotionally vulnerable and sexually frustrated. The only thing that stopped me from going through with it is that I confided in a friend who talked me out of it altogether. So it shows that even a person with good logic can fall prey to temptation. There is so easy way to conclude this so I'm going to go ahead and ask What are your thoughts
(Leave me your comments, you know I love those)
Monday, November 9, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
A Precious Award?
Obese, illiterate teenager Clareece "Precious" Jones lives in Harlem with her dysfunctional family, she has been impregnated twice by her father and is in a destructive relationship with her mother. Precious is invited to an alternative school where she hopes that her life can change direction. Now, while this all sounds like something that you'd see on Maury Povich or for better ratings, Oprah Winfrey, this is the plot to the movie "Precious" based on the popular novel "Push". Clareece is played by Gabourey Sidibe with Monique playing her abusive mother. The film also stars Lenny Kravitz, Paula Patton and Mariah Carey as Ms. Weiss.
I look at this movie as another big break for Black directors, actors/actresses to really kick down the doors of Hollywood that has been closed or merely cracked. While a small percentage of people who will view the film see the stereotype of Blacks being perceived as always struggling and hurting. Let us not forget ignore that many Black films in comparison to films of an all white cast tend to express morals and values consistent with Middle America. This isn't a blaxploitation and the stories are about as real as if the plot occurred in a white family, a latino family or a European family with subtitles at the bottom. The movie is gritty but promises to move audiences of all colors, race, ages and genders.
With Academy Award wins by African-American actors being limited to an exclusive club of Hattie McDaniel, Sidney Poitier, Harry Belafonte, Halle Berry, Denzel Washington (twice), Jaime Foxx and most recently Forest Whitaker, Morgan Freeman and Jennifer Hudson, one would question does this movie in all of it's high prise in an "Obama-era" (taking all politics out though) bring home the golden bacon in Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress categories along with possibly Best Screenplay.
Mo'nique by many critics may have a late night talk show on BET that loses ratings every time she shows her arms, but she shows that she has the acting chops to star in a dramatic film. Mo'Nique plays the abusive mother of Precious played by Gabourey Sidibe and has earned her front runner spot for Best Supporting Actress, the same position Jennifer Hudson found herself in when playing Effie White in "Dreamgirls". I ask also can Gabourey Sidibe bring a Best Actress in a Lead Role nomination for her turn as the troubled teen. Can Mariah Carey land a nomination for being completely made under as the no nonsense Ms. Weiss who was originally to be played by Academy Award winner Helen Mirren.
The winners club for African-American actors are limited with a larger balloon of those who did not win including Dorothy Dandridge, Cicely Tyson, Diahann Caroll, James Earl Jones, Danny Glover, Angela Bassett and that's just to name a few. I do look for big things in the future from Will Smith, Nia Long, Viola Davis, Taraji P. Henson, Nate Parker (?), Kimberly Elise and another win for Jennifer Hudson. While I don't have amazingly huge expectations, I am tremendously optimistic about African-American actors and actresses.
(Leave me your comments you know I love those)
Friday, October 30, 2009
Good Morning Afghanistan. Wake Up America
I am not a part of the military, marines, navy or coast guard. I don't have relatives in the armed services either. I am however, a US citizen that though I didn't support the wars in Iraq or Afghanistan, I still wanted to believe in our President George W. Bush and his administration to in fact find Osama Bin Laden. 8 years later however, we are finding ourselves in a different position. We are fighting in a war where it seems that there is no good answer. There is no A, B, C, D or E All of the above. This has to be extremely thought out and all the while Americans are weary and losing support for being in war. While I'm no expert in war strategy and I sure wasn't in 2002 when the country entered Iraq and Afghanistan it sure did feel rushed. It felt like a knee jerk reaction to the events of September 11Th, 2001. Well we are in the war, at the time the country favoured going in with the goal of righting the wrongs of what happened that day, getting even and bringing terrorists to justice.
Today is Friday, October 30, 2009 and Bin-Laden has yet to be found. Our military have semi-occupied two Muslim nations with very little resolve in bringing down the Taliban or Al-Qaeda. Most Americans like me are saying "Show me the Bin-Laden". It is fair to point out that in Summer of 2008, roughly 43% of Americans couldn't identify Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan nor Pakistan on a world map and that's just the few that supported our twin wars.
The point I am making is this, The U.S. troops are in a corrupt country (Afghanistan), fighting against another corrupt government (Pakistan) where if the U.S. stay in Afghanistan they are seen as "occupying" and if the U.S. leave it is free lunch for all of Al-Qaeda to come back into Afghanistan and seek a reign of bloody terror onto any civilians that aligned themselves with Americans in exchange for aide. The U.S. has also tried to buy the support of the Afghan people by building schools particularly for the young women of Afghanistan. If the U.S. leave then all that needs to happen is for the schools to be blown up, with children inside to keep especially young women from receiving an education.
I find it deeply sickening that it appears we are the only ones willing to fight this war. We can not prop ourselves up as a nation of peace when we are in two wars with a developing host spot occurring between Israel and Iran, in which we better stay out of that one. We are losing so more money on this war daily while nations like China and Japan invest in their future and stability. This country can not continue on this road and expect to be the leader of the free world. I may be the only one thinking this but it makes plenty of sense. More jobs are leaving overseas than coming in, the economy is weakened followed by a choke hold of a Health Care system. The United States is no longer a productive nation. It doesn't seem right to go for broke on this bad gamble, let's gamble is our own future and prosperity for our children.
Our military troops, Men and Women, Mothers, Fathers, Sisters, Brothers, Nieces and Nephews have spent more years in Afghanistan than the Russians. We lose more and more of our troops daily and General Stanley A. McChrystal says we need more troops. The reason there was an outrage for the Vietnam War was not because our country was simply at war, it was because the American people were losing. The people as Sarah Palin likes to quote "that makes this nation so great...real America" were losing their husbands, sons, nephews and brothers. There was this idea that if you drove past a bus stop with a school of children waiting for the bus that some time in the future, our country would be sending them into the same war that our family members fought. We can't allow that. Our President can't be willing to support. Sadly, however it's not as simple as I am for it, I am against it. I was not for nor against the Iraq and Afghanistan wars but instead I was in support of finding the people responsible for killing over 3,000 people and taking down the two buildings that especially in this economy will never be rebuilt again. I am more in support of bringing our troops home and ending this war responsibly, that is the real and human way to win this war. For our people, for the American people.
Today is Friday, October 30, 2009 and Bin-Laden has yet to be found. Our military have semi-occupied two Muslim nations with very little resolve in bringing down the Taliban or Al-Qaeda. Most Americans like me are saying "Show me the Bin-Laden". It is fair to point out that in Summer of 2008, roughly 43% of Americans couldn't identify Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan nor Pakistan on a world map and that's just the few that supported our twin wars.
The point I am making is this, The U.S. troops are in a corrupt country (Afghanistan), fighting against another corrupt government (Pakistan) where if the U.S. stay in Afghanistan they are seen as "occupying" and if the U.S. leave it is free lunch for all of Al-Qaeda to come back into Afghanistan and seek a reign of bloody terror onto any civilians that aligned themselves with Americans in exchange for aide. The U.S. has also tried to buy the support of the Afghan people by building schools particularly for the young women of Afghanistan. If the U.S. leave then all that needs to happen is for the schools to be blown up, with children inside to keep especially young women from receiving an education.
I find it deeply sickening that it appears we are the only ones willing to fight this war. We can not prop ourselves up as a nation of peace when we are in two wars with a developing host spot occurring between Israel and Iran, in which we better stay out of that one. We are losing so more money on this war daily while nations like China and Japan invest in their future and stability. This country can not continue on this road and expect to be the leader of the free world. I may be the only one thinking this but it makes plenty of sense. More jobs are leaving overseas than coming in, the economy is weakened followed by a choke hold of a Health Care system. The United States is no longer a productive nation. It doesn't seem right to go for broke on this bad gamble, let's gamble is our own future and prosperity for our children.
Our military troops, Men and Women, Mothers, Fathers, Sisters, Brothers, Nieces and Nephews have spent more years in Afghanistan than the Russians. We lose more and more of our troops daily and General Stanley A. McChrystal says we need more troops. The reason there was an outrage for the Vietnam War was not because our country was simply at war, it was because the American people were losing. The people as Sarah Palin likes to quote "that makes this nation so great...real America" were losing their husbands, sons, nephews and brothers. There was this idea that if you drove past a bus stop with a school of children waiting for the bus that some time in the future, our country would be sending them into the same war that our family members fought. We can't allow that. Our President can't be willing to support. Sadly, however it's not as simple as I am for it, I am against it. I was not for nor against the Iraq and Afghanistan wars but instead I was in support of finding the people responsible for killing over 3,000 people and taking down the two buildings that especially in this economy will never be rebuilt again. I am more in support of bringing our troops home and ending this war responsibly, that is the real and human way to win this war. For our people, for the American people.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Mariah Then & Now
Mariah has redone a few of her memorable photographic moments in music. The first being her memorable "Vision Of Love" photo and the second being her revealing Butterfly album cover. I still say her "Rainbow" album cover was her best. She was in the best shape of her life on that album.
1990
2009
1997
2009
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Bros Over Hoes?
Not so much buddy. Over the years among women it's been known as the "Girlfriend" rule and among guys it's known as "Bros over Hoes". What if your friend is the resident town whore. My grandmother always used to say, Pick your friends absolutely carefully because you my find yourself in precocious situations that won't be easy to get around. If you are friends with the guy that has to date all the cute guys or has to fuck all the cute boys in the city, it can make dating a bit harder. Many people will say, well in a city where there are infinite amount of boys to date, why go after your friends former date, lover, partner. Well, what if they actually do click. What if there is a connection there, that is different from the connection that you had with the person. One can't fault the friend or the lover for what is bound to be inevitable. People are allowed to run into each other, things tend to happen. There is only so much you as the friend is allowed to control especially when you personally have moved to something far better. If the past relationship, mattered so much how come you are no longer with that person.
This season of Desperate Housewives is examining that very idea of the "Girlfriend" rule. Bree (brilliantly played by Marcia Cross) is currently having an affair with her best friend (Susan Delfino played by Teri Hatcher) ex-husband, Karl. In this situation I sympathize with both Bree for falling for Karl but I am on Susans side on this only because Karl cheated of Susan multiple times and seeing him with other women particularly women that looked nothing like her brings back ugly memories of what those affairs did to her. Even though Susan is happily married to Tom Delfino, does she have a say if any of friends can date or have sex with her past partners.
I always viewed the "Girlfriend" rule as a way of restricting who your friends can see, just in case you happen to have a lonely night you can have the option to call one (or more) over for a late night cream. I personally don't buy it. I think it can get downright selfish in the event that you're friends with the town harlot. With the devastating and sometimes appalling popularity of online dating/sex sites, it has further closed in the gay community and has also find it's way into the heterosexual community as well. Everyone now knows a piece of everyone. It is unavoidable.
I have two scenarios and I'll try to make it short. Last year, I said goodbye to a dead-end friendship. It was a friendship were I was growing but the other person was stagnant and not really moving towards something. You can almost say we were both holding each other back. I found independence and they found self-confidence in the days after our friendship dissolved. What made the friendship dissolve was I got tired of being loyal to a friend that dated every good looking guy in the city of New York and Jersey City. I got tired of introducing them to him and seeing the familiarity and old "sparks" being rekindled. Later on, his friendship with his other friends also dissolved for that same reason.
In the second scenario. An ex-date of one of my best friend contacted me and explained how burned he was to find out that my friend jumped into a relationship after two weeks of knowing the guy. No courtesy, no "well I'm seeing this person and...", they found through pictures on facebook. Ladies and gentlemen, I've said it before putting too much on Facebook/Twitter can ruin you! Through consoling him, he explained that a friend of his wants to date him. Now they are very close to violating that "Girlfriend" aka "Bros over Hoes" rule. He did exactly what I mentioned early, he asked the new guy "How important is your friendship with him". Already by the answers, he knew that it would be an uncomfortable situation. However, that attraction is not going away anytime soon. It's actually been there for some time and they continue to dance around this attraction to each other. They both recognize it's only a matter of time before is before one is riding the others dick with disregard to my friend. My name is Bennett and I refuse to be in it. I have unconventional ways of thinking around many sensitive issues, as you see.
I tell people to evaluate how important this friendship is to them. Is it that important to explore love in such a fashion? If the answer is yes, you must be prepared to say goodbye to that friendship however, if the dating or relationship goes sour you have also left yourself completely "assed-out" of a shoulder to lean on. If you decide not to move forward with dating the past date, jumpoff, lover of your friend, you are stuck with that friend and you may have to explore other means of meeting people in which you will not continue to run into former lovers, boyfriends, dates, jumpoffs of your best friend.
If you are a harlot and you are reading this you also have to understand the climate in which we live in. If you have had sex with one person, you have in fact had sex with ten people, therefore you have closed the degrees of separation in an already minority community. So your friends hooking up with your past dates, lovers, jumpoffs is damn near inevitable and you might just have to suck it up for the sake of your friends happiness.
Where do you stand on this issue? Please leave me your comments, I love those.
This season of Desperate Housewives is examining that very idea of the "Girlfriend" rule. Bree (brilliantly played by Marcia Cross) is currently having an affair with her best friend (Susan Delfino played by Teri Hatcher) ex-husband, Karl. In this situation I sympathize with both Bree for falling for Karl but I am on Susans side on this only because Karl cheated of Susan multiple times and seeing him with other women particularly women that looked nothing like her brings back ugly memories of what those affairs did to her. Even though Susan is happily married to Tom Delfino, does she have a say if any of friends can date or have sex with her past partners.
I always viewed the "Girlfriend" rule as a way of restricting who your friends can see, just in case you happen to have a lonely night you can have the option to call one (or more) over for a late night cream. I personally don't buy it. I think it can get downright selfish in the event that you're friends with the town harlot. With the devastating and sometimes appalling popularity of online dating/sex sites, it has further closed in the gay community and has also find it's way into the heterosexual community as well. Everyone now knows a piece of everyone. It is unavoidable.
I have two scenarios and I'll try to make it short. Last year, I said goodbye to a dead-end friendship. It was a friendship were I was growing but the other person was stagnant and not really moving towards something. You can almost say we were both holding each other back. I found independence and they found self-confidence in the days after our friendship dissolved. What made the friendship dissolve was I got tired of being loyal to a friend that dated every good looking guy in the city of New York and Jersey City. I got tired of introducing them to him and seeing the familiarity and old "sparks" being rekindled. Later on, his friendship with his other friends also dissolved for that same reason.
In the second scenario. An ex-date of one of my best friend contacted me and explained how burned he was to find out that my friend jumped into a relationship after two weeks of knowing the guy. No courtesy, no "well I'm seeing this person and...", they found through pictures on facebook. Ladies and gentlemen, I've said it before putting too much on Facebook/Twitter can ruin you! Through consoling him, he explained that a friend of his wants to date him. Now they are very close to violating that "Girlfriend" aka "Bros over Hoes" rule. He did exactly what I mentioned early, he asked the new guy "How important is your friendship with him". Already by the answers, he knew that it would be an uncomfortable situation. However, that attraction is not going away anytime soon. It's actually been there for some time and they continue to dance around this attraction to each other. They both recognize it's only a matter of time before is before one is riding the others dick with disregard to my friend. My name is Bennett and I refuse to be in it. I have unconventional ways of thinking around many sensitive issues, as you see.
I tell people to evaluate how important this friendship is to them. Is it that important to explore love in such a fashion? If the answer is yes, you must be prepared to say goodbye to that friendship however, if the dating or relationship goes sour you have also left yourself completely "assed-out" of a shoulder to lean on. If you decide not to move forward with dating the past date, jumpoff, lover of your friend, you are stuck with that friend and you may have to explore other means of meeting people in which you will not continue to run into former lovers, boyfriends, dates, jumpoffs of your best friend.
If you are a harlot and you are reading this you also have to understand the climate in which we live in. If you have had sex with one person, you have in fact had sex with ten people, therefore you have closed the degrees of separation in an already minority community. So your friends hooking up with your past dates, lovers, jumpoffs is damn near inevitable and you might just have to suck it up for the sake of your friends happiness.
Where do you stand on this issue? Please leave me your comments, I love those.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Beyonce: Modern Gay Icon vs. "Ican't"
gay icon: noun (plural gay icons)
A celebrity who is much admired by gay men and/or lesbians.
Description: Modern gay icons, who are predominantly female entertainers, typically garner a large following within LGBT communities over the course of their careers. The majority of gay icons fall into one of two categories: the tragic, sometimes suicidal figure or the prominent pop culture idol.
Some past and mostly infamous gay icons have included women of very strong or sometimes overbearing and dramatic demeanour such as Judy Garland, Bette Davis, Lucille Ball, Cher, Madonna and Cyndi Lauper. When the subject of modern gay icons in the African-American community today the finger is continuously pointed at Beyonce Knowles, former member of Destinys Child. She is able to be the definition a performer. She sings, she dances and she performs. While I don't take away from her ability to be an excellent performer. I personally think that her gay icon status should be in probation if not revoked.
In the days where mainly Caucasian homosexual Americans discovered their gay icon, the battle in that period was identity which put the big gay spotlight on people like Judy Garland in which her daughter Liza Minelli inherited her huge fan base and Bette Davis for her androgynous appearance on film. The battle then shifted to the fight against HIV/AIDS in which Madonna became the fiercest of advocates.
Today we are fighting a completely different battle in all communities regardless of race, income and status and that is gay marriage and equal rights. While we have the normal icons out showing their support 100% We also gained a few one notably being Charlize Theron who announced on ABC The View quote "...I have very close gay friends that really want to get married and can't and I wouldn't feel right getting married right now knowing that they can't. It's just not fair".
My question really is where are our African-American heterosexual female entertainers when we are fighting this war on equal rights and gay marriage. The question I should be asking is "Are we smart enough to really give a damn"? Since I personally do not go to New York City clubs anymore. I took this question to many social gatherings throughout the the city asking folks what does it mean to have Equal Rights? Many of the answers that I received were extremely blazay. I was even more disappointed when I saw that the attention from the conversation diverted to either sex or who the cute boy across the room was. When the Beyonce Knowles came up as Single Ladies was playing in the background, I asked "Do you think Beyonce loves her gay fans?" and one lovely queen, I'll never forget his/her answer "...of course she does honey we buy her albums, we support her, we live for her" I through to myself 'that's not what I asked you'. I tried again by asking the same question but in a more direct way "How come Beyonce hasn't spoken out about gay issues that affect our community, particularly black community?" and the answer I was given by quite a few were "Beyonce's job is to entertain me not educate me" I was actually blown away by this being that "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)" is teaching MEN to put a ring on their WOMEN'S finger, not women put a ring on their women's finger or men put a ring on their men's finger. Need I need remind people that Gay Marriage is still not legal in all 50 states and "domestic partnership" comes with tons of compromises.
I am willing to give Beyonce the benefit of the doubt by saying possibly, just possibly, she is a product of being a Type A African-American female. Most African-American women have not so much gay friends but they have people that they know are gay and are cool with but won't necessarily hang out with them on any given weekend. I can give her the benefit of the doubt by saying maybe she doesn't feel comfortable talking about LGBT issues not only to her predominately African-American gay fan base but her gay fan base in general. Like her contemporaries such as Lady Gaga, Mariah Carey, Janet Jackson and Madonna, their gay fan base isn't a color however, it sure would feel nice if there was a female figure in the R&B community that would stick up for the gays.
I could also easily point to the fact that she is married to the ideal modern day über-masculine African-American male and though Jay-Z has in the past been very verbal with his use of the world fag in his lyrics, he has not verbally showed any deliberate hatred towards the LGBT community, unlike his contemporary Busta Rhymes. The incident I speak about is an incident a couple of years ago on Miami Beach where a crowd rushed Busta who's legal name is Trevor Tahiem Smith, Jr. to get his autograph. One member of that crowd was an visibly and openly gay male who praised Busta Rhymes work as an artist. Busta became very belligerent and attacked the man while uttering "Don't touch me you faggot". It doesn't make big news because well this is common and we accept it.
I guess the last argument in her defense I can give her is that, maybe she didn't ask to be a gay icon and maybe she doesn't want that title. If she doesn't does that mean she is obliged to give the gays back their money for the albums they bought and the concert that they went to? Please, where in who's fantasy world would that happen? While she may not have asked for the title of gay icon, she sure is doing everything in her power to milk it for everything it's worth and more.
The gays, particularly the men have given Beyonce great choreography. The gay community gave Beyonce a strong fan base that will potentially never go away. The gays have even fought on her behalf in the face of fans of other female contemporaries. I haven't seen that love being reciprocated and therefore, I am absolutely convinced that we as gay men are invisible to her.
In the light of Equality for the LGBT community, when it comes to Gay Marriage, when it comes to workplace discrimination very far and few in between men and women of color are taking the stand for us. It's one thing to have a gay icon who's gay speak up. In the media, it looks biased and damn near a given that a gay person will speak up for members of the LGBT community. However, a heterosexual either male or female speaking up well, that speaks absolute volumes. It's like a lions roar in a room full of nerds playing chess. It's loud, it's crystal clear and it shows people hey, I'm listening and I'm watching and I got their backs.
I am definitely not saying that her showing her absolutely vocal support for the LGBT community would change legislative and reverse laws regarding people like myself and my friends however, I don't think it's right that "we" support people that will use us and milk us for everything it's worth and not give a little back. Personally, even if she did a small commercial like she did for World Hunger, I think I could appreciate her a little more however, she's an icon that won't therefore she's what I call an "Icant".
In a time when Lady Gaga is participating in marches an protests in Washington D.C., in an time when Mariah Carey allows a gay man to open love his partner by proposing to him on her stage, Now is the time to be that African-American heterosexual female gay icon. Now is not the time to be an "Icant".
I want people to think about this in closing, when you are buying that next album, downloading that next single on itunes, when you are looking to dip into your savings account for the good seats at Madison Square Garden. Ask yourself, besides making you feel good, what has she done on behalf of you? What has she done on behalf of your lover? What has she done on behalf of your friend, colleague, associate that died due to complications of HIV/AIDS? What has she done on behalf of your right to live in The United States of America as a man, woman, transgendered male/transgendered female or bisexual male/female, to have the ability to be protected by law against brutality and discrimination. Think about this also when she is laying in bed naked with Shawn Carter while you can't legally be seen by the Justice of the Peace in your own city as a gay couple because it's illegal. Just think about it, Is she an icon or an "Icant"
A celebrity who is much admired by gay men and/or lesbians.
Description: Modern gay icons, who are predominantly female entertainers, typically garner a large following within LGBT communities over the course of their careers. The majority of gay icons fall into one of two categories: the tragic, sometimes suicidal figure or the prominent pop culture idol.
Some past and mostly infamous gay icons have included women of very strong or sometimes overbearing and dramatic demeanour such as Judy Garland, Bette Davis, Lucille Ball, Cher, Madonna and Cyndi Lauper. When the subject of modern gay icons in the African-American community today the finger is continuously pointed at Beyonce Knowles, former member of Destinys Child. She is able to be the definition a performer. She sings, she dances and she performs. While I don't take away from her ability to be an excellent performer. I personally think that her gay icon status should be in probation if not revoked.
In the days where mainly Caucasian homosexual Americans discovered their gay icon, the battle in that period was identity which put the big gay spotlight on people like Judy Garland in which her daughter Liza Minelli inherited her huge fan base and Bette Davis for her androgynous appearance on film. The battle then shifted to the fight against HIV/AIDS in which Madonna became the fiercest of advocates.
Today we are fighting a completely different battle in all communities regardless of race, income and status and that is gay marriage and equal rights. While we have the normal icons out showing their support 100% We also gained a few one notably being Charlize Theron who announced on ABC The View quote "...I have very close gay friends that really want to get married and can't and I wouldn't feel right getting married right now knowing that they can't. It's just not fair".
My question really is where are our African-American heterosexual female entertainers when we are fighting this war on equal rights and gay marriage. The question I should be asking is "Are we smart enough to really give a damn"? Since I personally do not go to New York City clubs anymore. I took this question to many social gatherings throughout the the city asking folks what does it mean to have Equal Rights? Many of the answers that I received were extremely blazay. I was even more disappointed when I saw that the attention from the conversation diverted to either sex or who the cute boy across the room was. When the Beyonce Knowles came up as Single Ladies was playing in the background, I asked "Do you think Beyonce loves her gay fans?" and one lovely queen, I'll never forget his/her answer "...of course she does honey we buy her albums, we support her, we live for her" I through to myself 'that's not what I asked you'. I tried again by asking the same question but in a more direct way "How come Beyonce hasn't spoken out about gay issues that affect our community, particularly black community?" and the answer I was given by quite a few were "Beyonce's job is to entertain me not educate me" I was actually blown away by this being that "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)" is teaching MEN to put a ring on their WOMEN'S finger, not women put a ring on their women's finger or men put a ring on their men's finger. Need I need remind people that Gay Marriage is still not legal in all 50 states and "domestic partnership" comes with tons of compromises.
I am willing to give Beyonce the benefit of the doubt by saying possibly, just possibly, she is a product of being a Type A African-American female. Most African-American women have not so much gay friends but they have people that they know are gay and are cool with but won't necessarily hang out with them on any given weekend. I can give her the benefit of the doubt by saying maybe she doesn't feel comfortable talking about LGBT issues not only to her predominately African-American gay fan base but her gay fan base in general. Like her contemporaries such as Lady Gaga, Mariah Carey, Janet Jackson and Madonna, their gay fan base isn't a color however, it sure would feel nice if there was a female figure in the R&B community that would stick up for the gays.
I could also easily point to the fact that she is married to the ideal modern day über-masculine African-American male and though Jay-Z has in the past been very verbal with his use of the world fag in his lyrics, he has not verbally showed any deliberate hatred towards the LGBT community, unlike his contemporary Busta Rhymes. The incident I speak about is an incident a couple of years ago on Miami Beach where a crowd rushed Busta who's legal name is Trevor Tahiem Smith, Jr. to get his autograph. One member of that crowd was an visibly and openly gay male who praised Busta Rhymes work as an artist. Busta became very belligerent and attacked the man while uttering "Don't touch me you faggot". It doesn't make big news because well this is common and we accept it.
I guess the last argument in her defense I can give her is that, maybe she didn't ask to be a gay icon and maybe she doesn't want that title. If she doesn't does that mean she is obliged to give the gays back their money for the albums they bought and the concert that they went to? Please, where in who's fantasy world would that happen? While she may not have asked for the title of gay icon, she sure is doing everything in her power to milk it for everything it's worth and more.
The gays, particularly the men have given Beyonce great choreography. The gay community gave Beyonce a strong fan base that will potentially never go away. The gays have even fought on her behalf in the face of fans of other female contemporaries. I haven't seen that love being reciprocated and therefore, I am absolutely convinced that we as gay men are invisible to her.
In the light of Equality for the LGBT community, when it comes to Gay Marriage, when it comes to workplace discrimination very far and few in between men and women of color are taking the stand for us. It's one thing to have a gay icon who's gay speak up. In the media, it looks biased and damn near a given that a gay person will speak up for members of the LGBT community. However, a heterosexual either male or female speaking up well, that speaks absolute volumes. It's like a lions roar in a room full of nerds playing chess. It's loud, it's crystal clear and it shows people hey, I'm listening and I'm watching and I got their backs.
I am definitely not saying that her showing her absolutely vocal support for the LGBT community would change legislative and reverse laws regarding people like myself and my friends however, I don't think it's right that "we" support people that will use us and milk us for everything it's worth and not give a little back. Personally, even if she did a small commercial like she did for World Hunger, I think I could appreciate her a little more however, she's an icon that won't therefore she's what I call an "Icant".
In a time when Lady Gaga is participating in marches an protests in Washington D.C., in an time when Mariah Carey allows a gay man to open love his partner by proposing to him on her stage, Now is the time to be that African-American heterosexual female gay icon. Now is not the time to be an "Icant".
I want people to think about this in closing, when you are buying that next album, downloading that next single on itunes, when you are looking to dip into your savings account for the good seats at Madison Square Garden. Ask yourself, besides making you feel good, what has she done on behalf of you? What has she done on behalf of your lover? What has she done on behalf of your friend, colleague, associate that died due to complications of HIV/AIDS? What has she done on behalf of your right to live in The United States of America as a man, woman, transgendered male/transgendered female or bisexual male/female, to have the ability to be protected by law against brutality and discrimination. Think about this also when she is laying in bed naked with Shawn Carter while you can't legally be seen by the Justice of the Peace in your own city as a gay couple because it's illegal. Just think about it, Is she an icon or an "Icant"
Sunday, October 18, 2009
10 Songs I Couldn't Stop Listening To 10 Years Ago
1. Nothing Really Matters - Madonna
2. All That I Can Say - Mary J. Blige featuring Lauryn Hill
3. Smooth - Santana featuring Rob Thomas
4. No Scrubs - TLC
5. It's Not Right But It's Okay - Whitney Houston
6. You Know What's Up - Donnell Jones featuring Left Eye
7. I Hate You So Much - Kelis
8. Hot Spot - Foxy Brown
9. Let Me Let You Know - Pink
10. Heartbreaker - Mariah Carey featuring Jay Z
2. All That I Can Say - Mary J. Blige featuring Lauryn Hill
3. Smooth - Santana featuring Rob Thomas
4. No Scrubs - TLC
5. It's Not Right But It's Okay - Whitney Houston
6. You Know What's Up - Donnell Jones featuring Left Eye
7. I Hate You So Much - Kelis
8. Hot Spot - Foxy Brown
9. Let Me Let You Know - Pink
10. Heartbreaker - Mariah Carey featuring Jay Z
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