I Was In Love With A Preacher Man (Part I)

On twitter last month, I was explain to my friend in Christ Jaymes Terence, how in 2001-2003 I was heavily into going to church. It was new and exciting baptized, filled with the holy ghost, speaking in tongues (though I'm not sure about that last two parts anymore), I was pretty much doing it all. Did that make me any less gay, the answer I give you then and I will you today is absolutely not . I was just not placing myself in the position to be seen as the messy church queen and that I up to this day will maintain. I never was the one on the hunt while the good word was being preached. Everytime I went to church it was just a wonderful thing to see Gods work at it's best

In 2001 I met a Minister and I don't know if I was fortunate to meet him or if he was a crossroads in my life. I met him casually on my way home from the club. And ours kept crossing paths and we exchanged hellos and I took his number and he took mine and we had been talking, dating, going to dinner, walks in the parks well little did I know he had a son that looked like a spitting image of him and the boy is absolutely adorable. Back then, I was into flirting with the idea of fatherhood (ask me what I think now). He was also raising his at the time seperated from wife's child from previous relationship. [Hold what you want to say because it's all going to come full circle]. Whatever problems The Minister and his wife had came way before I came into the picture and I was not introduced to her until much later in us dating. To make matters even more messy, I was introduced to his ex-boyfriend who I saw at NYC pride looking like a freak show, holy hot mess. Things were just a mess all around him but I didn't care he was everything that I was looking for extremely smart, very attractive, slim sexy, with all the essential goods you'd want but his personal life was a mess and his mess shortly became mine.

At one afternoon service during a church visit by Pastor Linda Reid, the controversy reared its ugly head like a boiling pot of water with the lid on it just boiling. She created a prayer line at the end of service and used her gift of "discernment" to call out the "spirit of homosexuality" out of me. I have never been so embarrassed and uncomfortable in my entire life. You just outed me in front of your entire congregation and the gasps that followed just made my back sweat and as he sat there just looking and I looked at him with the look saying Help Me I knew that my mind was speaking to his because it read in my eyes and he was crying because there was nothing either one of us could do. Yes, I let him have it and he explained to me that as a Minister there is nothing he can do about the situation because that was "Gods Work" and I explained to him my experience of being outed in the High School cafeteria and that shame, guilt and disrespect I felt along with the action of being an outcast. I'd be damned at 21, 22 years of age would I go through something I experienced at 16 & 17 all over again. He promised to stand by me and that's when I learned promises are meant to be broken.

Our last official date was at the marina that had once been shadowed by the Twin Towers and we walked around it was a beautiful night September 10, 2001 and we were outlining our future together. Even after the fall out of being called out in front of a major church like that I was still happy and in love with this beautiful Man of God.

As everyone knows the next day the terrorists attacked the United States by air. Communication was damaged and smoke, ash and debris filled the Downtown Manhattan and Downtown Brooklyn areas. We spoke about a week later when phone service resumed and he told me that he had a "message from God" that he was hindering my growth as a Christian and that he could not continue being my partner. Up to this day, that was by far the most original break up line I have ever received. I witnessed him and his wife get back together and I slowly found myself out the picture for good. I did what a respectful person in my situation would and should do and thats walk away gracefully. While she was very aware of what was going on in his life, that was still her man, her husband, the father of the child that they have together and even thought they were seperated, I had no place there whether or not their problems existed before or during my dealings with him.

I don't have any quirks and qualms about going to church but i do know that I am just gay if not gayer now than I ever was when i was going to church and thought I love the lord and identify myself as a Christian, Because of the situation I put myself through I have a fear of going back to church. I don't want to go through the calling my homosexual spirt out and I don't want to get wrapped up into the church politics. This Jaymes, is why I have not been to church and why am I scared to see the inside of another church again.

There is a Part II...seriously CODE 10!

Great Friends Stupid Advice (I Love You But Shut Up)

Why is the ones that are always boo'ed up and cuddled and caked up never have a problem getting with someone but always want to tell their single friends "oh your time will come, you just gotta be patient" Why the hell do I gotta wait around while I watch you two suck each others face apart. Were you being patient when you was riding his dick these past few weeks meanwhile you broke up with your last boyfriend just the week before. I mean damn, you didn't even wipe the spit and lube off your dick before you moved on to the next person and now you're in a "relationship" What do I look waiting? I feel like people who do that to their frieve a secret motive to have you single so that way when things aren't going right in their lives, you are always available and I am here to say it don't quite work like that and not in my book. You as a friend is going to have to come with something a bit better.

It's always the ones that can't go 3 weeks little alone 3 months without being in a relationship thats telling you to wait. I personally think they should take their own advice and find out what it mean to be really single and I mean really single like no dates, no jump offs, no none of that. I bet you any amount of money they'd feel the same way I feel right now. I am on Day 404 of no sex, no date. And don't even think this is by choice either reference [D.O.D.N.Y.C Death of Dating in New York] . Like seriously, giving "advice" for the sake of giving is not being a good friend. Being a good friend comes with understanding where the other one is coming from. If you can't relate than maybe it's just a better idea not to say anything at all. In fact, I did challenge some of my friends to turn down their next "piece" to see what its like to be single longer than a season and they refused because they would rather go blind than to not have a warm body in their bed. It's not that they won't but they can't. Being single is not a choice that people want to make if they had a change to decide.

I think it's best to say that if you haven't been single for longer than a year than you don't know what lonely mean. And don't try to use lonely in context of friends and family either because I don't you want to be kissed, hugged and carressed by your friend or some of you friends. Think about it now. Don't be a dummy.

So Insecure

I find myself to be a really nice but not the guy that dudes look at right away with that "MMM DAMN" eye. The best thing I usually hear is "you're a cool dude" or "oh my god he is so funny". Granted if it wasn't for the sense of humour that I have today, I am pretty sure I would have committed suicide along time ago. I used to think that I was so unattractive and while I still struggle with my insecurities, I have come to understand that I can't change my features so no nose jobs, no eye lifts, no lip injections or cheek implants or any of that. I have to just work with what I have and I can't lie there are just times where I feel that maybe what I'm working with is not enough. Is this why we have so many whores and sluts? The girls have big boobs wear a shirt short of exposing the ariola (sp?) and they wear poom poom shorts knowing good and well one leg is going in the crack of their ass while the other one is laying down, now you know that is a CODE 10!

I consider myself a really handsome guy, I actually do. I think I've always been handsome but not the "cute" boy, everybody wants that boy that looks like a member of B2K or something and I've never been that guy and for the record I look like an absolute idiot in a fitted. I think I've maybe had a "cute" phase probably between the age of 23 - 25, my skin was clear, I was the thinnest I had ever been at about 145lbs and guys were hitting on me left and right. I kinda wish I wasn't detoxing from my last failed relationship and made more of the most of the attention that I was getting at that time. It really did boost my confidence to know that no matter where I was going I was able to turn heads. Now that I am no longer turning heads and I am more than worried because now I am trying to figure what in the world do I need to do to get their attention. This is getting harder and harder. SCARED.

The Rise of The Neo-Heterosexual Male (?)

I can't believe I'm finding myself talking about this subject but after getting an interesting or two tweets from a young man from Tallahassee, FL aka Tallyho. He recalled that the first person he told he was gay was one of his straight friends, who go figure later on became a pastor. I liked this story and it's funny because I remember the first I told that I was gay, was another gay person. It felt good to have a commonality but there's something I guess different about being accepted by a straight person. Yes, gays have become more and more mainstream in media and entertainment but there are some areas where the weather is a little "gray or cloudy". In writing this I am not at all saying that we "need" to be accepted by straights to feel accepted however it definetely takes away from the incredible cultural taboo of "Oh my god, you're gay? How can you be gay" or "You're too cute to be gay". If you take away the strength of negativity it becomes something positive and for a long time being gay wasn't this Will & Grace kinda thing and when you saw us on TV they all acted like Jack from Will & Grace and if they were black they were usually flamboyant with permed hair and wore women clothing and accessories.

Look at it like this, I love that fashion particularly in cities like New York has made the line between gay and straight a lot more ambiguous. I actually do because being gay is not a fashion. I used to not like when people say that "its in season to be gay", no it is not because let me tell it I've always been in season whether it be Summer 2008 or Fall 2010. Straight boys are now walking around with nerd glasses, rocking skinny jeans with the pants sagging low with the colorful underwear, (some of them even elect to rock pressed faux-hawks, mohawks or just let the hair down with no cornrows) and just really stepping it up style wise and the ladies soon followed with their colorful jeans and high heels and cute backpacks. Some people hate it, I love it since it puts alot of these wanna-be "hardcore niggas" or "street thugs" to the fringes of the urban culture that has created so many ugly stereotypes about people from inner cities.

This past summer I attended this get together that my friend and I created called "Margarita Mondays" where the drinks are $3 all night but I promise you the service can be dumb shitty. I met a group of girls Tenille, Tamikha and a friend of theirs along with their (I'm not going to lie) attractive male friend. I was first of all embarrassed for hitting on him but I was even more delighted when he told he is 100% straight and that he is totally comfortable with his surroundings. You can't ask too many straight dudes to hang out with 15+ gay dudes hollaring and carrying and just being gay but he did with such grace and ease. I was even more surprised that they are all of west indian decent. That's huge for me. I guess maybe I am old school and fear the old school name-calling or bullying that I would receive for being comfortable in my own skin and my own sexuality. However, I don't wear my sexuality on my forehead or my sleeve, I don't make it a science project to hide either.

Now that this movement of Neo-Heterosexuals are somewhat sweeping from city to city. It makes me somewhat optimistic that there would be less hatred, less discrimination and more rights for gays and lesbians across the country as we are still in the battle over full gay rights. Any heterosexual male or woman who accepts a gay friend for who they are, hear this now. You do not know how much that means to that person to be fully embraced and accepted and the impact of the non judgements and hopefully someone who was not once open-minded can follow your lead and move in the forward direction.

I don't really have a closing statement but I hope I pretty much got the point across.

Leave me your comments, you know I love those

Drink of choice: Moscato on the rocks.

Interracial Dating Stigmas, Stereotypes & Successes

Born to a Conservative family from the south, it took me many years to finally see my first Interracial couple and it took me much longer than that to see the product of an interracial marriage. When I finally did, I thought nothing of it. I thought well they are two people in love, that have a great relationship and have beautiful kids. What I always loved about Interracial kids is that they always looked racially ambiguous and had the only messy afro, It is so cute to see it on a toddler who's hair weighs more than their own body. However, I never knew the prejudices and pressures from the outside to either be very successful or be a complete failure. People thing that gays have it hard, I can say that Interracial couples culturally have it bad as well with the stereotypes, the stigmas, the suggestive looks.

More and more, If you ask your friends what are they you would find that alot of people without knowing it are the product of Interracial marriages. I have two friends that are Jamaican-Cuban or Jamaican-Puertorican decent and oddly in a funny way people don't consider either of two "interracial" because Puerto-Ricans and Cubans can trace their African roots back simply to one generation prior to them. I think people have more of a problem when there is a white man or a white woman involved, and while some cultures embrace interracial marriages the problem become more prevelant when there is color involved.

A few months ago, I was an emotional wreck. People see this as a sign of weakness or that I can't seem to get it together but don't judge a person based on what you know of yourself but look at the situation from if you had to be in their situation. I was agonizing over being single for 5 years and I had not been having sex on the fly at all, I have been kinda solo for over a year now (as mentioned in a previous blog) I just felt absolutely unseen, unheard and undesirable to the same group of people that I do deeply love. I love dark and chocolate brothas and yeah the not so chocolate gets love too however, as explain I feel as if I wasn't being looked at with that same desire, though I had meeting really great guys, there was always one thing, they were all taken yet flirting hard with me, it was as if they were using me as some kind of "reserve" for when their relationship goes south they can have something to snuggle up with. When I do get up the nerve to talk to somebody the magical line appears "I'm actually kinda talking to somebody right now so yeah sorry" I was in the apartment alone and I had texted everyone and got on facebook and told myself that I am no longer interested in dating black men anymore. And then the backlash began.

I began receiving phone calls, e-mails and text messages explaining how irrationally I was acting and that this isn't coming from a genuine place and that I am wrong for disowning my "beautiful black brothas" in favour of ... "pink meat" (?) - Yeah, exactly. I actually thought the pink meat one was kinda funny becuase if I ever heard a ignorant phrase, that would be it.

I was even more suprised by the infinite amount of support and love I've gotten from some very unlikely sources saying that they support my decision and agree with how I view Black gay men in New York and they felt that if I strongly believed in what I was saying then the people I offended would have to suck it up and just nod their heads because this is my battle and not theres. I agreed to apologize anyway for offending the people that I do care about however re-iterated my position on dating outside of my race.

The evidence is quite frankly and clearly in the pudding and it's looking quite appetizing. There is a huge cultural different if you walk a 10 block radius in the Avenues of New York. In the village you see you young and urban blacks and latinos a long with affluent whites sharing a very multicolored landmark neighborhood but if you keep walking up Hudson Street which soon becomes 8th Avenue then you walk into the extremely in your face GAY neighbourhood of Chelsea that occupies everything from 14th Street all the way up to 32nd Street and spreads from the West Side Highway to 6th Avenue. You see white couples holding hands but more so you see extremely happily gay interracial black to white couples and the prejudices that are found in the urban community or in fringe conservative white communities are not present, they are allowed to be young, gay and happy. Jealous much? hell yeah I am where is my young, gay and happy?

I can only speak from an urban mindset because thats where I grew up and how I grew up, someone from a white conservative setting may see it differently. However there is this "fear" or perception that White people come up and "scoop up" all the good ones that they are fighting for. Then on the flipside there is this perception that when a black woman get with a white man or vice versa that they are only with them because they will get them out the hood and keep the financial stable. Though I must say there are some people out there that are gold diggers and will jump at the opportunity to get in a white limo if they knew they didn't have to take the bus anymore however it's much deeper than that, first of all I have something to say to all those people that have something to say about who other people are dating and not worrying about who's in their beds.

Dennis Rodman who's first wife was white explained that he received the same amount of flack from black women that he dated and he flatly said "You bitches played me all through growing up, you wouldn't give me any play because you thought I was tall and ugly so why does it matter now because I'm giving this good dick away to someone who wants it?" That right there kinda says what I think about people's narrow-minded perceptions.

Why does it have to be about money? Why does it have to be about status? Why can't it be simply because they genuinely and truly love each, love each others company, time and companionship?

So I explained to one of my best friends, I consider him a great intelligent mind and he was one of the people that gave me the most flack for wanting to close the door on Chocolates. I told him when I was single and went to clubs and went to the parties no one paid me no mind, the boys would throw me shade and their friends would kiki however the minute I go to a party and I come with a white date, all of the sudden its all eyes on us, it is as if the DJ stopped playing the music altogether. So you wouldn't look me up 2 seconds before but all of the sudden I have a white date and now you want to take notice, now you want to look at me and now that you are looking at me and you are looking at me sideways for?

He explained that his main concern was that he didn't want me being used expressing that he doesn't want me to become the black-white relationship stereotype where and (don't laugh but I have seen this too) Where the black guy is the most "noticeably" dominant person in the relationship, so therefore he becomes "daddy" or the Black in the relationship becomes the submissive bitch to the white guy in the relationship or he doesn't want me to become the one making the funny collard-greens and chicken wings jokes to create laughs among his white friends. I simply explained to him that you find that even inside same-race relationships you will have the one thats more dominant, the one thats submissive and the ones that's more social than the other. It's just how people attract each other.

There is a huge success in dating outside of ones race. There is that general curiosity between both partners to learn about each others background, try new things and learn from each other experiences. A relationship is supposed to be one that builds and being in an interracial relationship gives a couple that head start in that journey. You're both already different by not only race, but culture and background then there is that well "what are you likes & dislikes" what are your feelings on.... and so on and so on. What I also find convenient about interracial relationships particularly in the beginning is that the "haters" make themselves so known in an obvious way that they get booted before they can cause any trouble.

I have yet to be convinved otherwise that there is something wrong with interracial dating nor do I see any of the reasonings for the stereotypes of stigmas that present themselves in modern day culture. Love doesn't have to have a color, race, look, style, age or guidelines. It just has to be what it is and let them be happy.

If you liked what you read leave me comment. I love you for reading.

Drink of choice: Yellow-Tail Merlot half glass

D.O.D.N.Y.C. [Death of Dating in New York City]

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BRING BACK THE CRACK, IN WITH THE HEROIN!

I grew up in 1980's East New York in Brooklyn by Broadway Junction, which for many Brooklyn residents is like a major landmark because of the structure of its train station that connects the A,C,J,L,Z lines and buses that take you deeper into Brooklyn and out into the Borough of Queens. Living in that area was not easy especially as an awkward kid that grew into an awkward teenager that was just trying to stay out of trouble. Everyone at the time was either on welfare, on drugs, or dying of AIDS from either unsafe sex with prostitutes or needle use. How do I know this well I may have small ears but I have supersonic hearing. Thinking back, probablyt he adults I grew to love are either in jail or dead. There was so much character in seeing the prostitutes on Fulton Street and Rockaway Avenue get out their "Johns" cars and slip the money into their shoes and walk back over to Eastern Parkway and Fulton Street to pick up their next John.

Other fond memories of living in Brooklyn was that I lived with my grandmother and my uncle in a five bedroom apartment on messy Fulton Street and she paid no more than $500, huge spacious, plenty of room especially for a family of people that is used to weighing more than 200lbs. In this living situation space is key.

The dynamics of the city was different then, I was born in 1982 and I have memories as far back as when I was very young. The blackout and riots of 1977 was still fresh in New Yorkers memories. It was the time when fear and poverty, pain and suffering saw no color. People were desperate, it was in the middle of a heatwave during a hotly contested mayoral race that launched Mayor Ed Koch to national stardom and won his first of 3 terms as New Yorks mayor. Anyone old enough to remember the campaigns against Ed Kock "Don't for the HOMO, vote for Cuomo" [referring to then incumbent Mario Cuomo who was seeking re-election] well Mayor Cuomo was an absent mayor during the blackout of 1977 which resulted into a citywide mass riot and arson of many buildings with the Bronx and many parts of Harlem being the worst affected.

After the Blackouts and Riots of 1977 many of the affluent whites deemed it "unsafe" to live in New York City Metropolitan Area. They moved to Connecticut, Upstate NY, New Jersey and many of them moved to Nassau and Suffolk Counties in Long Island never to return again until the real estate boom of the late 90s and new millenium. Well, Another thing to point out growing up in New York City was like living in an episode of HBO "The Wire" or HBO "OZ" but instead of being in prison you were living it in general public. You couldn't avoid not knowing people who were either alcoholic dependents or strung out on crack, cocaine, weed, heroine or dust. It wasn't right but it was something that I learned to accept was around me. Shoot outs were common and you just knew not to hang out in front of the bodega.

During those times rent was controlled everywhere. Now you have to scour for a rent stabilized apartment. Today a one bedroom apartment will start you at $1400 and up. a studio $1200. A two bedroom $1800 and up. To ride the trains and buses today is $89for a monthly pass, I remember when it cost $1.25 to get on the train and we still used tokens not Metrocards. When we did start to get "technological" and use Metrocards, it cost $63 a month to get around New York City and $17 for a weekly pass which was absolutely affordable since at that time, wages were able to support rent, food, utilities and transportation. As we are in a hotly contested health care debate one of the main arguments is that wages have either remained steady or fallen while the price of health insurance has gone up. Well as a resident in NYC that's not the only thing that went up. Food, utilities, rent and even transportation has all gone up which is what has been exposed as nationwide corruption in all jurisdictions. Who suffers? The middle class. Who else suffers? New York City minorities. Everyone is suffering right now regardless or race and status and that is what's so disturbing about the economic climate because I feel like we may be approaching another 1977!

I say bring on the 1977. Though I like Mayor Mike Bloomberg, I think this city can afford another round of burned down real estate and a citywide reintroduction of crack, heroin, cocaine and dust. It's just not enough to have weed and Ecstasy pills, bring on all the hardcore stuff and make it super cheap and affect all areas around the city and let them run a damn fool! It's the only remedy I see to where New York City will become affordable again. We can't really trust the housing market to fail. Despite a 14% unemployment rate which means that 14% of the population is currently out of work which is well above the national average of 9.7%, the housing market is still incredibly strong. Well, if the city becomes to unsafe to live then nobody will want to move here and if particularly affluent whites find it unsafe to live here and decide to move away and the city can't get new tenants to pay this unprecedented rent then what's next but a Housing Market crash!

Having lived through many economic highs and lows whether felt personally or global, it's the only solution I can come up with. Call me an absolutely cynic but you know what I absolutely miss living in a 5 bedroom apartment for no more than $500/month and you know what so does my grandmother who is now living in a Brownsville project complex off of the 3 train by Junius Street train station.

Drink of choice: a "40"

Mimi's Memoirs Is One The Music Geisha's Would Appreciate

Three fatal mistakes Pop/R&B singers make that creates an imperfect album
- They load all the great tracks in the beginning and let the rest of the album flail along

-They load all the fun tracks in the beginning of the album, leave the middle empty and pick back up towards the end

-Load the album with the hottest DJs, rappers, guest singers and producers making the album sound dated.

Mariah Carey's twelfth studio album has managed to avoid all three of those fatal errors that singers today make. This genius of an album goes with her classic diamond status albums "Music Box" & "Rainbow" and easily silents her critics who was not too fond of E=MC2 or as comedians used to call it E=FAT, referring to how unflattering she looked on the album cover. Everything from the album cover to the lyrical content to the musicality of the album is perfect for what Mariah fans needed to hear from her and perfect for the expectations that music industry has for her. This album does lack however is the belting and outright vocal brovado that "Emancipation of Mimi" had but who cares, most of us bought 'Mimi' loved it, enjoyed it and it won 3 Grammys that year resulting in the Billboard-hailed best selling album of 2005.

This album however finds her working with a limited production staff consisting of The-Dream, Tricky Stewart and when they're not present Jim Wright who is 1/3 of the production team Terry Lewis & Jimmy Jam of Janet Jackson fame. That was a smart move, We rarely get to hear people like Jim Wright on their own (this is true about Chad Hugo of The Neptunes and until as of recently Danja of Timbalands production). Jim Wright was a good addition to the album and his work is heard on the tracks "Betcha Gon' Know", "Angels Cry" & "I Want To Know What Love Is" (alongside Randy Jackson of American Idol fame). The rest of the album was produced by her label mate and now one of her bosses The-Dream. That right there was another smart business move, keep it in the label family and have access to some of the best music in R&B/crossover.

This album can carry single-worthy status from beginning to end however there are some stand outs. "H.A.T.E.U." though I tried not to review this song, it grew to become one of my favourite tracks listed later on, shows Mariah at her lowest register taking nothing away from her singing, it shows that she can do something other than coo and whisper however she does give you on hell of a whistle throughout the song. "Ribbon" which carries the classic "Radiokilla" sound with the slowed down fat guy singing on the background, its smooth like butter and the harmonies are easy on the ears. "Insperable" runs a fine-line between originality and sampling Natalie Coles "Inseperable" though the former is not mentioned as a sample however I love the fact that she DID sample "Time After Time" by Cyndi Lauper for this track and make it something you can two-step to. "Standing O" is definetely an angry-bitch song and if you sit through the track you will absolutely love the way it ends! "It's A Wrap" has an amazing throwback to the likes of Cissy Houston and Brenda Franklin (Aretha Franklins sister) on the background wailing and I mean Mariah is wailing on that background vocal. The song has an early 60's feel to it. "Up Out My Face" is a song Janet Jackson wish she had on her upcoming album, it's very much the title of the song letting the guy in the situation know ummm you need to get to steppin, and theres a lovely shout out to Nick Cannon on the 50 second addition to the album thats classy without being in your face like other R&B couples. "The Impossible" which is Ryan Drake of www.adtv.com song of choice, This song shows Mariah being genuinely sexy without being campy, glossy, glitzy or corny.

I finally determined "More Than Just Friends" produced by The-Dream as my favourite track as it just oozes late 90s B.I.G.'s "One More Chance" and "Angels Cry" a fierce vocal performance in which in reverse she does her whistle register in the beginning and climaxes throughout the song. I am actually hoping she releases "More Than Just Friends" like next week or the week after her album release. I feel as she could have absolutely left "I Want To Know What Love Is" completely off the album

I am still at a lost for words at the fact that there were two left off this album. One called "Imperfect" which according to L.A. Reid was not a strong enough song for an album this consistent and a undisclosed track produced by Timothy "Timbaland" Mosley.

In closing this album is definetely worth the buy on iTunes, Wally-World (Walmart), Target, Virgin Megastores, HMV (for the UK'ers) and my favourite place Best Buy. It is the first album since "Music Box" and "Daydream" that had showed a consistent presence of musicality from beginning to end as I raise my left eyebrow and purse my lips, I say that save from "I Want To Know What Love Is" I only bash the song not because its a bad vocal performance but because it doesn't fit in the rest of the album. It's like the child that came out looking different from the family of 12 kids. Just get the album, you won't be dissapointed.



1. "Betcha Gon' Know" (additional producer(s): James "Big Jim" Wright) — 4:00
2. "Obsessed" — 4:05
3. "H.A.T.E.U." — 4:28
4. "Candy Bling" (additional writer(s): Ahmad A. Lewis, Stefan Gordy, John Klemmer) (additional producer(s): Los Da Mystro) — 4:03
5. "Ribbon" — 4:21
6. "Inseparable" (additional writers(s): Robert Hyman, Cyndi Lauper) — 3:34
7. "Standing O" — 4:00
8. "It's a Wrap" (additional producer(s): Heatmyzer, James Wright) — 3:59
9. "Up Out My Face" — 3:41
10. "Up Out My Face (The Reprise)" — 0:51
11. "More Than Just Friends" (additional writer(s): Sean Combs, Chris Wallace, Rashad Smith, Mark DeBarge, Etterlene Jordan) — 3:37
12. "The Impossible" — 4:01
13. "The Impossible (The Reprise)" — 2:26
14. "Angel (The Prelude)" (additional producer(s): James Wright) — 1:04
15. "Angels Cry" (additional writer(s): Crystal Johnson) (additional producer(s): James Wright) — 4:02
16. "Languishing (The Interlude)" (additional writer(s) & producer(s): James Wright) — 2:34
17. "I Want to Know What Love Is" (written by Mick Jones) (additional producer(s): James Wright, Randy Jackson) — 3:27

Drink of Choice With This Album: A glass of Pomegranate Martini filled all the way up

Why Don't You Sit Down & Have A Baby!

One of my followers on twitter Andrew (@beyoncelvr) about how he is sick and tired of people saying that Beyonce needs to sit down and have a baby.

There is this thought that all women want to one day no matter how successful they get want to sit down and raise a family. According to a recent poll shown on CNN, This is only true among approximately 50% of women in America and true among only around 33% of African-American women in America. Hopefully you are keeping up with these numbers because there are more to come.

One of the things that struck me was that in 1967, the number of African-American families headed by a two person household was 67%, today in 2009 the number has shifted to 31%. It is not uncommon to see African-American women raising children alone. It is also not uncommon to see extremely successful African-American women either married or in a relationship and seemingly having no desires to have children. Some examples are Beyonce & Jay-Z, Mary J. & Kendu, Mariah & Nick (though there has been many speculation), Janet & (whoever she is with at the time). The only true contemporary female entertainer to express motherhood in a very graceful way has been Whitney Houston. She showed that yes, you can sell million of records and be an excellent mother and be hold your status as a diva while being relevant. From a pop standpoint, Victoria Beckham went from 1/5 of Spice Girls to help co-create the Beckham empire, doing this all while being a member of the Spice Girls, all while being a solo artist (she wrote and performed"Resentment" which appears of Beyonce, B'Day), all while giving birth to three amazing boys by her husband David and while look incredible too. Motherhood and Success hasn't been an obstacle for this young lady.

I think that people are obsessed with seeing R&B entertainers having families because we have children that find them the easiest to relate to outside of sports figures, who though have decent family lives don't necessary have the ideal family structure. How many times have you heard athlete and divorce or athlete and scandal in the same sentence over the past few years. Pre-nup has been every womens fear lately as well. That leaves us with the more powerful women in R&B who are in relationships. Beyonce, Mary J. and Mariah.

We have been saying for years why won't they have children? The question after that will always be "Will they be as talented as their parents"? The answer is simply well maybe they just don't want to? There is nothing selfish at all about enjoying your successes while you are young. Get it out the way and then worry about parenthood later.

There is this desire in the Black Community to find role models that look like us, have hair like us, have voices us and that are influential like us to show what it mean to be successful and have a family. It has been said that in the African-American community we have become too damn selfish to care about family, parenthood and to sometimes to care about the people that helped us get to the platform we get to and while that may be sometimes true, that is not always the case.

I can easily say that Beyonce and Shawn Carter should have children but Beyonce has expressed concern over her figure, the pain during the procedure, she is happy being a great aunt to __________ (someone come back to me with her nephews name, I don't feel like looking it up). Beyonce has every right to not want children right now and for once I am on her side. Mary J. though she has been through alot still has her own demons that she need to set aside before she thinks about parenthood, She has overcome a broken family, molestation, drugs and alcohol addiction as well as unhealthy relationships, She is with a good man now but we don't know where they are at in their journey within their relationship and Mariah Carey, good ole Mariah Carey. Now,I actually wouldn't mind seeing Mariah and Nick start a family, I mean lets face Mariah is ageless and pretty and Nick is just very handsome, big huge teeth beautiful dark chocolatey skin, I'll take it for $500 Alex. We have been saying when will she get knocked up for ages but I guess her and Nick to To Be Announced for now.

I think personally and my blog is only for Cocktail chatter that instead of looking for musicians, athletes and even our President for guidance we need to look within our own selfs and learn two things. Success does not make you selfish and Parenthood (done right) comes as a result of personal success. In addition why are we even looking at other peoples lives as a model to guide our own. We are given the tools needed to achieve success, we are given great examples all over for how to raise a child right through community leaders, matriarchs and friends and relatives. Yes, they are great role models for how to make that money and use your gifts wisely however when it comes to their personal lives and decisions they make, simply stay out of it and figure your own path for yourself.

Sincerely,
Ranity
Drink: Gran Marnier & Orange Juice

The Reaction To Action

Wednesday, September 9, 2009 President Barack Obama, The First African American President of The United States of America addressed members of Congress, Senate and the nation in what will have been the most important speech of his first few months in office. The address concerned the debate on Health Care Reform for the 40 million Americans that are uninsured by the government. Reaction been mixed to positive fom people inside and outside of the health care industry moments after the speech.

My family of mainly registered Southern Republicans (Virgina, South Carolina, Louisiana, Florida and Tennessee) and the occassional (Pennsylvania) it was interesting to see everyone including my mom for the first time full engaged in his speech tonight. He laid out the specifics, he laid out exactly what he wants and I think this was a better description of what he wants to see in a Health Care bill that we've heard since his campaign. He also credited Senator John McCain in portions of provisions he wanted to see in the bill affecting the uninsured.

The main reason, not just part but the main reason they voted for him as well as 58% of America did was in favour of what he would do with health care if elected in office. He won the vote and it's time for him to act on it. The question now is with 2010 looking to be a bloodbath for Senate and Congressional races across the country what will happen to health care if we do not get it right this time around? As Obama said in this speech "We can not wait until the next cycle or the next election or 4 or 8 years, we must act now, Now is the time"

A small tid bit, during the speech it was comfirmed that Repesentative Wilson of South Carolina was the one who created that embarrassing outburst in the chamber while President Obama was speaking. Senator John McCain of Arizona was highly upset and asked for him to apologize immediately. This show of disrespect angered many in the chamber including many Democrats who returned with boos and cat calls.

The president laid out that he will call out anyone who decides to spread lies about whats in the bill and the what the bill is supposed to do and that he would not tolerate anything short of a reform. The status quo is unacceptable. Being a part of the 40 million people that don't have insurance, I am appauled that Conservative-Democrats and Republicans are willing to fight against a lower middle class person such as myself.

The reaction among young people need to be to go out in the same numbers that they did in 2008 and if they are pleased with the job that their Senators and Congressmen(women) are doing, keep them in office, if they are not vote them out. I would prefer as a Gay Liberal to keep the 60 Democratic seat in the Senate and the 218 seats in the Congress however, it may appear that with a few of the seats may be up for grabs. Get up and vote. Gays and Lesbians, get up and vote this concerns you, it concerns me, it concerns your lovers, your jumpoffs and your future partners as well as your parents and loved ones. Health care must change for the American people and we must do it now!

The Reaction to the Lack of Reaction

Let me start by saying that I will not support any LGBT bloggers until further notice, I understand that they are about a gay agenda and I applaud that because we do have a seperate agenda and must not be ignored. With HIV/AIDS cases rising in the black gay and lesbian community, health insurance should be a part of that agenda and shockingly it is not even given a second look. We just accept that many of our gay, lesbian, transgendered brothers and sisters are expected to die and that is fine with us apparently.

I applaud every gay and lesbians sheer drive and determination to make a name for themselves in the gay and lesbian community but understand this also, you were an American first before you even knew anything about taking or putting dick in anyones ass (gentleman) and rubbing and licking on clits (ladies). There is no reason why when it comes to issues of politics, any of us should be ill prepared and underperformed however, you know all the dates to every gay pride, you what your favouirte singer (mainly Beyonce) is wearing and doing down to the very minute and you know who is doing what with whos man. Now is the time to get your head out of each others asses and really pay attention to the specifics of President Obamas health care reform.

With that being said, I hope you are successful in whatever you do but keep in mind you are not going to be mainsteam being just exceptional. But if exceptional is what you are aiming for all the best.

Ranity.

Facts, Heads & Tails of a Freak

So I was watching a porno, nothing new about that right? What if I told you I saw a straight one, now that's different. But what was even more different was she caught a nutt before he did! Whoa, hold on, reverse, what just happened? Yes, she bust before he did. Apparently he had her shaking in her bones. She begged him to get out of her. Now I don't know where they do that at but can we find a brotha like THAT a bit more often?

Anyway, Have you ever heard "bears" fucking?. For those of you who don't know what a bear is, in the gay community they are considered the more...jovial men a bit on the hairy side too. If they look like Barry White or close to it theyre a bear. Anyway it's not pleasant. It's actually pretty traumatizing and life changing. They really do sound like two planets trying to create a mini-star. Let me explain.

I remember one year in DC Pride 2005, I will never forget. I was at the Marriott across from the host hotel with a date, yes I do date every now and then shit a boy has needs and back then I was a young hot ass. Anyway one of my good judys at the time called me and said "GET OVER HERE NOW" So i got scared I'm sitting here like what is going on? I thought something horrible was going on and I can hear all this commotion so I throw my clothing on and I run back across the street to the Wyndham (?) I got off the elevator and it sounded like someone let animals out the zoo and put them in the rooms next to my Judys. Every homo on the 8th floor was eavesdropping and I'm sitting here "oh please bitches, you probably sound worst" But I will admit it was pretty a mix between hot and downright grotesque. *note to self never become a jovial being*

But lets be real. We all want a freak as a partner. I mean why go out of your relationship to find someone that swallows when they right at home ready to gargle like you cum is mouthwash, Yes you can have a hoe as a housewife.

It is important that you are a lover in the street, a chef in the kitchen, a maid in the living room and a fuckin slut in the bedroom, now am I lying?

I mean dont you think it would be hot if you could find someoen that'll fuck on the balcony in broad daylight?

They say a good facial once in a while is great for the skin, you got a man right? So why are you waiting to go to the spa tell him to turn his faucet on and get crackin!

I mean gentlemen, bottoms this is to you. I think its perfectly fine to sneak off in the early crack of the morning while you boyfriend, the top is sleeping to go ahead and fleet and come back to bed he can ride you you're Black Beauty at the Kentucky Derby. That's being courteous.

I do think it's kinda corny to ask "where you want me to nutt at shawty" just nutt already so I can go to sleep and rest my hole. Stop watching pornos that's not hot.

It is absolutely social acceptable for couples to have sex tapes a s a matter of fact sex tapes make better pornos. Fuck a script, Scripts are so lame and you know it.

Caramel Syrup or Chocolate Syrup on your mans balls is sure to get his toes curling and your sweet tooth satisfied. Experience much, yes and it works.

Riding dick when your boyfriend, husband is tired is a sure way to knock him out to sleep and get you some personal time while he is off to dreamland and sex in the shower makes for an easy clean up. I'm just saying.

Anyway that's all I got on me right now for more fun tid bits and funny stories and ideas. Follow me on twitter, comment and I'll give you my twitter name. Holla!

The Roast of Atlanta Pride and The Pride Junkies

Good Evening Everyone and Welcome to the Atlanta Pride Roast. Some of you are gay and some of you are not. For for those you who are not please don't let this mess with your perception of gay people, this roast is only for a small few but for those are you who are gay, this isn't a read. It's a roast.

To anyone who is going to Atlanta Black Gay Pride knows exactly where I'm coming from when I say the boys are going to come back to their prospective cities all nice and strong from all the "protein shakes" they're going to be drinking. Fuck a 711 you can find a BIG GULP anywhere in Atlanta that weekend.

It's not just Atlanta but it's also Miami Sizzle. I remember one of my friends coming back from Miami Sizzle years back having to sit on a donut because he was rather "uncomfortable" sitting down. I wondered if he was going to Atlanta Pride even though his physician told him to "take it easy" from now on. I sure would hate to see him sitting on that inflatable donut again looking crazy

I remember going to Miami 2006, my suite mate tried to hook me up with this guy whos breath smelled like ass, balls and cocktails now where they do that at? I mean if you're gonna give a dude head at least attempt to brush your teeth and we're in th eelevator too so you know being all close together I can smell your large intestine and everyone other dude that shot in your mouth. no sir and no ma'am

Imagine, you lose your friend in the club during ATL PRide only to find him at 3am afterwards and he goes to cough and you find yourself saying "let him out gurl, get him out". I still love you girl but yes, I was just now throwing shade at you giving homeboy head in the corner of at Club Boi.

I kinda feel bad for alot of the tops and their burning penises that are going to come back home on those long flights from Atlanta Pride. Can you imagine having to endure a flight with a burning dripping penis messing up your underwear?

I understand that Atlanta Pride is a bottoms dream and when they come back home to their jumpoffs, it'll become their worst nightmare. They gonna ask themselves who dug up in that? All of Buckhead? I mean shit, the gospel song said he can move mountains but didn't mean for you to sit at the edge of the bed and have your ass pummeled.

So one time at Sizzle my good Judy (friend) for you straight people reading this leaves the hotel room at 5am and met up with us like later that afternoon for brunch in Downtown Miami. My other roommate Trey is patting him on the back cause good Judy kept clearing her throat. I'm sitting here with a puzzled face like "What are you going through" why Trey talking about "burping his babies, come on baby we can do this" a MESS.

The physicians know about pride events and you'd be a fool to think they don't. They sit in their offices saying to themselves "next week is going to be really busy y'all"

So let me go on about Marques. "Mars" was his nickname. Mars love to suck dick but baby those teeth were a horror show. He'll always come back talking about "chiiiiiiile, I done sucked me a mean ole dick" I'm like "Mars whose dick you done fucked up now" getting sucked by him is like putting your dick through a meat grinder that's how bad his teeth were. How about I got a text from him saying "See you in ATL" oh no ma'am "No you won't!" I mean his teeth were so bad it will force you to really wanna say let's just be friends and once you smelled his breath you'd want to breakup with him before you get together with him. I'm just saying.

Now if you're ever in Atlanta during gay pride weekend and you think you're smelling a garbage truck passing, I just want to let you know you're probably smelling a sex party or the result of one. I'm just saying.

Anyway I was watching the news and it said there a few comfirmed cases of swine flu in Atlanta right before gay pride weekend. I mean really is that the ONLY thing folks are worried about. I'm just saying

Thank you ladies and gentlemen it's been a pleasure. I'm glad to be your roastmaster. Don't get offended just laugh it off and keep on moving Until next time. See you later and Fuck you very much.