Interracial Dating Stigmas, Stereotypes & Successes

Born to a Conservative family from the south, it took me many years to finally see my first Interracial couple and it took me much longer than that to see the product of an interracial marriage. When I finally did, I thought nothing of it. I thought well they are two people in love, that have a great relationship and have beautiful kids. What I always loved about Interracial kids is that they always looked racially ambiguous and had the only messy afro, It is so cute to see it on a toddler who's hair weighs more than their own body. However, I never knew the prejudices and pressures from the outside to either be very successful or be a complete failure. People thing that gays have it hard, I can say that Interracial couples culturally have it bad as well with the stereotypes, the stigmas, the suggestive looks.

More and more, If you ask your friends what are they you would find that alot of people without knowing it are the product of Interracial marriages. I have two friends that are Jamaican-Cuban or Jamaican-Puertorican decent and oddly in a funny way people don't consider either of two "interracial" because Puerto-Ricans and Cubans can trace their African roots back simply to one generation prior to them. I think people have more of a problem when there is a white man or a white woman involved, and while some cultures embrace interracial marriages the problem become more prevelant when there is color involved.

A few months ago, I was an emotional wreck. People see this as a sign of weakness or that I can't seem to get it together but don't judge a person based on what you know of yourself but look at the situation from if you had to be in their situation. I was agonizing over being single for 5 years and I had not been having sex on the fly at all, I have been kinda solo for over a year now (as mentioned in a previous blog) I just felt absolutely unseen, unheard and undesirable to the same group of people that I do deeply love. I love dark and chocolate brothas and yeah the not so chocolate gets love too however, as explain I feel as if I wasn't being looked at with that same desire, though I had meeting really great guys, there was always one thing, they were all taken yet flirting hard with me, it was as if they were using me as some kind of "reserve" for when their relationship goes south they can have something to snuggle up with. When I do get up the nerve to talk to somebody the magical line appears "I'm actually kinda talking to somebody right now so yeah sorry" I was in the apartment alone and I had texted everyone and got on facebook and told myself that I am no longer interested in dating black men anymore. And then the backlash began.

I began receiving phone calls, e-mails and text messages explaining how irrationally I was acting and that this isn't coming from a genuine place and that I am wrong for disowning my "beautiful black brothas" in favour of ... "pink meat" (?) - Yeah, exactly. I actually thought the pink meat one was kinda funny becuase if I ever heard a ignorant phrase, that would be it.

I was even more suprised by the infinite amount of support and love I've gotten from some very unlikely sources saying that they support my decision and agree with how I view Black gay men in New York and they felt that if I strongly believed in what I was saying then the people I offended would have to suck it up and just nod their heads because this is my battle and not theres. I agreed to apologize anyway for offending the people that I do care about however re-iterated my position on dating outside of my race.

The evidence is quite frankly and clearly in the pudding and it's looking quite appetizing. There is a huge cultural different if you walk a 10 block radius in the Avenues of New York. In the village you see you young and urban blacks and latinos a long with affluent whites sharing a very multicolored landmark neighborhood but if you keep walking up Hudson Street which soon becomes 8th Avenue then you walk into the extremely in your face GAY neighbourhood of Chelsea that occupies everything from 14th Street all the way up to 32nd Street and spreads from the West Side Highway to 6th Avenue. You see white couples holding hands but more so you see extremely happily gay interracial black to white couples and the prejudices that are found in the urban community or in fringe conservative white communities are not present, they are allowed to be young, gay and happy. Jealous much? hell yeah I am where is my young, gay and happy?

I can only speak from an urban mindset because thats where I grew up and how I grew up, someone from a white conservative setting may see it differently. However there is this "fear" or perception that White people come up and "scoop up" all the good ones that they are fighting for. Then on the flipside there is this perception that when a black woman get with a white man or vice versa that they are only with them because they will get them out the hood and keep the financial stable. Though I must say there are some people out there that are gold diggers and will jump at the opportunity to get in a white limo if they knew they didn't have to take the bus anymore however it's much deeper than that, first of all I have something to say to all those people that have something to say about who other people are dating and not worrying about who's in their beds.

Dennis Rodman who's first wife was white explained that he received the same amount of flack from black women that he dated and he flatly said "You bitches played me all through growing up, you wouldn't give me any play because you thought I was tall and ugly so why does it matter now because I'm giving this good dick away to someone who wants it?" That right there kinda says what I think about people's narrow-minded perceptions.

Why does it have to be about money? Why does it have to be about status? Why can't it be simply because they genuinely and truly love each, love each others company, time and companionship?

So I explained to one of my best friends, I consider him a great intelligent mind and he was one of the people that gave me the most flack for wanting to close the door on Chocolates. I told him when I was single and went to clubs and went to the parties no one paid me no mind, the boys would throw me shade and their friends would kiki however the minute I go to a party and I come with a white date, all of the sudden its all eyes on us, it is as if the DJ stopped playing the music altogether. So you wouldn't look me up 2 seconds before but all of the sudden I have a white date and now you want to take notice, now you want to look at me and now that you are looking at me and you are looking at me sideways for?

He explained that his main concern was that he didn't want me being used expressing that he doesn't want me to become the black-white relationship stereotype where and (don't laugh but I have seen this too) Where the black guy is the most "noticeably" dominant person in the relationship, so therefore he becomes "daddy" or the Black in the relationship becomes the submissive bitch to the white guy in the relationship or he doesn't want me to become the one making the funny collard-greens and chicken wings jokes to create laughs among his white friends. I simply explained to him that you find that even inside same-race relationships you will have the one thats more dominant, the one thats submissive and the ones that's more social than the other. It's just how people attract each other.

There is a huge success in dating outside of ones race. There is that general curiosity between both partners to learn about each others background, try new things and learn from each other experiences. A relationship is supposed to be one that builds and being in an interracial relationship gives a couple that head start in that journey. You're both already different by not only race, but culture and background then there is that well "what are you likes & dislikes" what are your feelings on.... and so on and so on. What I also find convenient about interracial relationships particularly in the beginning is that the "haters" make themselves so known in an obvious way that they get booted before they can cause any trouble.

I have yet to be convinved otherwise that there is something wrong with interracial dating nor do I see any of the reasonings for the stereotypes of stigmas that present themselves in modern day culture. Love doesn't have to have a color, race, look, style, age or guidelines. It just has to be what it is and let them be happy.

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Drink of choice: Yellow-Tail Merlot half glass